Day 2 and beyond ... the aftermath

I got out of bed the next morning (I can't really say I woke up, since I didn't sleep), feeling surprisingly ... GREAT !! I don't even know how to explain it, but I just had this overwhelming feeling of happiness. I made a pot of coffee, sat down at my desk and starting reading the numerous emails and Facebook messages from various friends, family and now former co-workers. I can honestly say I was completely overwhelmed by the support I received, especially from all the people I had worked with over the years. There were expressions of shock, anger, confusion; all many of the same emotions I was feeling myself. Throughout that first week, along with those messages, I had long phone conversations and received voice mails that I will cherish forever, many from some pretty senior people at the company.

The overall message was that the shit had hit the fan at my former workplace. People from all levels had demanded answers, questioning the company's values, morals, ethics and direction.

Knowing that gave me the warm and fuzzies :)

At the same time I knew that eventually the uproar would subside and life would go back to normal there without me ... after all, as hard as it is for us to admit, we are ALL replaceable. It was time for me to move forward with my life, my career. Damn :(

But let's back up to my opening sentence for a minute. Over the course of the first few weeks after my "dismissal" I came to realize why I felt happy on Day 2. In some small way, I was glad I got fired (although I will never admit that to my former boss !!). I went through a roller coaster of emotions since then; still do actually. I wake up feeling happy one day, angry the next, sad, confused, revengeful ... oops, TMI ;) But in reality I was done there. I no longer enjoyed going in to the office every day. Yes, there was a period where I did ... I loved my job and wasn't afraid to admit it. However like a bad marriage, the love had died. I was bored and unchallenged, and truth be told it was likely reflected in my work. It was time to move on. I had contemplated it lately, but I was afraid ... you know how you get in that comfort zone at work, or in life?? I was there big time !!

I also came to another realization; the tears that I shed and the emotions I felt were not for the job itself, but for the humility of being fired, for the loss of normalcy and routine (although I hate normalcy and routine); but mostly it was for the loss of many good friends. I wrote a farewell note that was passed on to the company by a great friend and colleague, expressing my sorrow at losing my family, and I meant every word. After 11+ years I had made some great bonds, made many friends, and in some small way that place was my second home. I would miss THAT dearly. The job I could care less about ;)

So I wiped away the tears and sucked up my pride ... now I had a very big decision to make. It was the same question I had asked myself when I walked in my front door soon after being fired ... what the hell do I do now ???