Releasing my inner geek

I've gone back to my roots this week. Not my accounting roots - god no !! I just mean my Accountant personality roots. Remember that organized, detail oriented person that likes to have a plan?  Those roots.  I think that's why was feeling so down last week.  I tried flying by the seat of my pants, but I didn't get very far. I didn't accomplish anything, and then started feeling guilty about that, then that made me feel depressed and unmotivated ... a very vicious circle indeed.

So this week I made a plan. At first I formulated it all in my head, and then I created a career to-do list. No really, I even detailed it all out on paper and called it my "career to-do list".  What a geek ;)  But hey, that's what works for me so what the hell.  

I won't go over all the boring details, but essentially it's the plan for my new future. Initially when I went through the list in my head, I planned on including a search for Finance jobs, but when I detailed my plan on paper, it didn't make the cut. I thought I would do some job searching online, get my resume out there, do some “networking” (man I hate that term) and register with a few finance search firms just in case … you know, as a back up. But I've decided I'm not going to do that. Instead I'm going to concentrate my efforts solely on my new career path - good thing or I'd have to change the name of my blog !!!

I've been doing a lot of thinking, and have come to the realization this is what I truly want to do in life. When I think about sitting at a desk again all day staring at spreadsheets and crunching numbers, I literally feel nauseous.  It turned me on for a while; I felt very fulfilled and challenged with the work I was doing for quite some time - but not anymore.  Truth be told, this will be my second venture out of the wonderful world of Finance.  About 15 years ago I had been plugging away at those spreadsheets for a number of years; I had gone to school for it, I was good at it, so I figured this was my career path in life.  Yes folks, I like math – I said I was a geek didn’t I ??  One of my former staff members used to call me a keener because I kept a calculator in my purse at all times ;-)  But a few years and several jobs later, I was bored to tears.  So out of the blue, I went back to school part-time and got my real estate license.  I talked to some friends and they encouraged me, said I would be good at it since I was so friendly and liked working with people, blah blah blah.  Turns out I sucked at it.  I did that for about 2 years before I realized I was failing miserably, and then I did a few other sales jobs that continued to suck the life out of me.  I found out that just because you’re friendly and like working with people, it does NOT mean you should go into sales. 

So, needing work but having no idea of what direction I wanted to take in life, I begrudgingly went back into accounting.  My sister knew a guy, so I passed on my resume, and I got the first job I applied for.  That job, my friends, was with the company that I just left this summer after 11 years of service.  I say I took the job reluctantly, but I quickly came to love it – perhaps because that nagging feeling of being a failure from my stint in sales had finally disappeared.  I felt I had found myself again, and I really poured my heart and soul into the job.  And it paid off … as I mentioned I got several promotions in my tenure there and for a long time I really did love my job.  But alas, we all know how that worked out don't we ??

So my first attempt to escape the monotony that had become my life was a dismal failure, and I crawled back into my comfort zone with my tail between my legs.  But I’m okay with that !!  I have read countless books on success and business, and every single one says the same thing … in your pursuit of your dreams you will likely fail, probably more than once, but you need to learn from those failures and keep plugging away regardless, and eventually you WILL realize your dreams.  And it’s not just books and articles on success where I’ve seen this advice.  I’ve heard very successful people, in every area of business out there, talk about how this was how they made it in the world.  My problem with my first attempt was I wasn’t following my dream.  I had no idea what my dream was back then, but it certainly wasn’t selling houses.  I just knew it wasn't Accounting.

Just last week, Mark Zuckerberg, who you know of course is the founder of Facebook and one of the richest and most successful young men in the world, appeared on Oprah and talked about his success – oh ya, and while he was there he also made a $100 million dollar grant donation.  He said there is a philosophy that is deeply ingrained at his billion dollar company, and I quote:

“Move fast, take risks.  It's okay to try big things.  You’re better off trying something and having it not work and then learning from that, than having not done anything at all.”

Every time I’ve read something or watched an interview with someone who became hugely successful from the ground up, they have quoted a philosophy very similar to this … and it’s not always someone who’s just trying to sell you something or one of those self-help gurus that travel the globe.  In my opinion most of those people get rich trying to teach others how to get rich.

Of course this is not earth shattering news, it’s rather simple advice actually.  But what separates the ones who actually make it from the ones that don’t ??  Well, fear for one.  Taking risks is scary for most people; the fear of the unknown, the fear of failure, the fear of loss.  Am I scared ??  Shitless.  But I won’t let me fearful feelings stop me, and I know they are going to try and do just that.  I’m guessing another difference is that it’s not easy; but like so many other things in life, if it were easy, everyone would be doing it.

So my geeky little career to-do list is made up of the steps that I now deem necessary to pursue a life in fitness and/or nutrition.  And some of these steps are BIG !!!  It won’t be easy that’s for sure, and I have a lot of work to do, although I have started some of the steps already :)  I’m not looking to tour the world or head a billion dollar empire, I just want to enjoy my life and wake up every morning excited to go to work and feel happy knowing that hopefully I can help others in the process.

Wayne Gretzky, one of the best hockey players ever to lace up a pair of skates, perhaps said it best …

“You miss 100% of the shots you never take.”

“None but ourselves can free our minds” – Bob Marley, Redemption Song

It’s been quite a few days since I’ve written in my blog.  I want to say something deep and meaningful like I did some soul searching or I had to “find myself”, but that’s not really my style.  I did however, get myself out of this funk.

I’m not a very spiritual person.  Even though I was raised as a Catholic and went to church every Sunday as a child, I don’t believe in God.  That comment might shock some people and have them shaking their heads in disgust, but it’s the simple truth, and I’ve known this for quite some time.  I went to church when I was younger because I had to; but as soon as I was old enough and church became an option, I abruptly stopped going.  I continued for a while; like many of the masses I figured going at Easter and Christmas made up for the rest of the year, however I soon realized I was just being a hypocrite and stopped that as well.  I think it’s just my personality, perhaps from my background of being an accountant … or maybe I became an accountant because of my personality ??  I guess I’m just more of a scientific thinker, I don’t believe what I can’t see or what can’t be proven to me - I believe in the evolution of man as opposed to Adam and Eve.

All that being said, I have no real problem with religion or people’s beliefs, as long as you don’t try and force it on me !!  I’ve gotten pretty good at being downright rude to those bible thumpers that come to my door all too often.  But if religion or spirituality helps to get you through your troubles and makes you feel better about yourself, then more power to it.  Perhaps my lack of religion is due to my belief that no one is responsible for my own happiness but me – I don’t need a spiritual being to forgive me for my wrong doings or to lead me down the path of righteousness.  I don’t need to look any further than within myself.  Wow, maybe I can be deep and meaningful after all …

So this past week, although I did get some encouragement from others, I figured I needed to fix things myself.  I gave my head a shake, told myself to smarten up, and presto chango, I felt better :)  Okay maybe it wasn’t that quick and magical, but I certainly do feel better.  I took action and did some of the things that I enjoy and that help me to relax and clear my head.  I went out with some friends, went to a movie, out for drinks at a local pub.  I had a wonderful Thai Stem massage, and that was an experience in itself !!  And I went to the gym and had a nice long run on the indoor track.  At first this almost felt counter productive – every song that played on my iPod seemed to have a deep hidden meaning for me – like the lyrics were written just for me !!  I soon realized music has a way of doing this when you’re feeling blue, and I have a very eclectic mix of music on my iPod, which I will NOT be sharing here on my blog.  I think the content of a person’s iPod is like the content of a woman’s nightstand; both should be kept in the vault.  You can learn a lot about a person by looking into either one of these.

As I mentioned, part of my uplifting mood shift came from some support I received from others; a few friends read my last blog and messaged me to check how I was doing and offered words of encouragement – I even got an offer for help and advice from a friend that is a Registered Dietitian - thanks guys :)  I also did something very out of character for me last week.  I’ve been quoting quite a bit from the book “A Lazy Man’s Guide to Success” by Bill O’Hanlon – I’ve read it through twice now and taken lots of notes and ideas, and found it has really helped me in my pursuit.  I decided to write Bill an email, thanking him for this book and letting him know that’s it’s helped me quite a bit and that I planned to use his advice - I’ve never really written a fan email like that before, but for some reason I felt compelled to do so.  I never expected a response as I’m sure he gets thousands of emails (he’s written quite a few books over the years and lectures all over the world).  Well Bill replied personally in less than a day, and he apologized for his delay in responding – how cool is that !!  I had told him about my blog and he took the time to log on and take a peak; I feel truly honored.  He also offered a few quotes to inspire me - I like ‘em both, thanks Bill :-)  Here are his encouraging words:

Hunter Thompson - "I hate to recommend sex, drugs and rock and roll, but they've always worked for me."

Bill O’Hanlon - "I hate to recommend breakdowns and crises as major growth vehicles, but they've always worked for me."

I also finally got a call back from one of the fitness clubs I had left a message with earlier in the week – one callback from 12 messages, but hey, it’s a start.  I had a great conversation with the woman, and she was very helpful and encouraging.  Her company is hiring a nutritionist, so she helped me out with some ideas about courses I should take and paths that would benefit me – and she also encouraged me to apply even though I’m just starting out.

So needless to say, I’m back on the proverbial track.  I also received some words of wisdom from a friend who is now living in the east coast of Canada; he offered his unique brand of advice after reading my blog ... “keep your pecker up !!”.  East coasters have a different way of thinking, and since my mom is from there, I can’t totally relate ;)

The perils of being unemployed

Since I’ve been off work, 64 days now to be exact, there are times when I find it sooooo hard getting motivated.  To do anything.  Today is one of those days :(

Yesterday I wrote in my blog how I was going to get up and make some more phone calls, do some research, come up with a plan of attack and take action.  So far I’ve done nothing.  I got up at 10 am today and the only reason I did that was because of the guilt that was nagging at my subconscious, knowing I was lying in bed when the rest of the world was out there making a living.

So I dragged my ass out of bed, got up and put on a pot of coffee. I read my email and surfed for a bit - not research, just junk: Facebook, Yahoo, and other various forms of useless information.  I had a bite to eat, then went back upstairs for a nap.  I don’t even have any proper food in the house.  My meticulous planning of meals and groceries got pushed aside on the weekend in favour of drinking, football and other types of extracurricular activities … I’ve been living off cereal and PB&J for the past couple of days.  I suppose it’s better than coffee and nicotine ???

In the first week of my unemployment I spoke on the phone to a former boss (we worked together a few years back at the place that fired me).  He had left there and went on to another company where he was also fired.  He warned me about the moods swings that would invade my psyche in the coming months; anger, sadness, confusion, depression, happiness ?!?!  In that first week I experienced them all, and I naively thought that was it … even though he did warn they would continue for quite some time and that they would change daily.  Man was he right.

Well today is a sad and depressed kinda day.  I can’t seem to get motivated to do anything :(  I had all these grand plans but they’ve all managed to fall by the wayside.  And not just today; I’ve had quite a few of these days since I was fired.  It’s pretty hard to stay upbeat and positive when something like this happens, even for me, Little Miss Sunshine.  And my depression is bringing on feelings of anger, and I hate that !!  I find anger such a useless emotion, and I really try and NOT let it enter my world.  It serves no purpose whatsoever.  But today, despite my efforts, I feel anger.  I hate my former employer for what they did to me, and for forcing me into this situation.  And I know in my heart of hearts that this is all the consequence of one selfish person.  What a shame.

You may have noticed someone commented on my blog once and used the term ‘former employer’ in quotes as I have been doing throughout … a little tongue in cheek perhaps ??  Even though I am filled with anger and hatred towards them right now, and it’s likely that the majority of people reading this blog know exactly who that employer is, I won’t ever mention their name.  I don’t see the point in blasphemy, or perhaps I’m just smart enough to know better ;-)

I started to write today’s blog entry early this afternoon, and then I took a short break to go to the gym.  I’m sure feeling flabby and gross would not be conducive to my mood today, so I forced myself, each and every step of the way.  Like most other days, I was glad I went, even though my endorphins failed to make an appearance today.

When I came back there was an email from my ‘former employer’ asking for me to return that book … remember the one I thought they didn’t give a rat’s ass about – The Secret ??  Well apparently they do … oh the irony of getting that request today !!  And for that particular book too, the one that is supposed to wake me up out of my funk and motivate me to do bigger and better things with my life.  I think I should hold off on my response, because I’m seriously tempted to tell them to go fuck themselves :O  Okay fine, anyone who knows me knows that I don’t have that in me … I would never say that to them.  It’s not working for me today anyways, so they can have their stupid book back.  Bastards ;-)

So in my saddened state today, I did what every delusional person does when confronted with a temporary life setback … I called my mom :)  My dad called me over the weekend to check that I was still alive; I haven’t been up to visit for quite some time – I’m such a bad daughter !!  As I’m sure my siblings will attest, when dad actually picks up the phone to call you, you KNOW you’ve done something wrong.  So tomorrow I’m heading north, first for a visit with my mom and then to have dinner with the folks.  If a big heaping bowl of homemade pasta and a visit with mommy can’t cure me, nuthin’ can …

What ever happened to Customer Service ??

I started my Monday all ready and eager to begin my pursuit of a new career in the fitness and/or diet industries … and all I was met with was a whole lot of frustration !!

I actually started a couple of steps last week.  I visited the Dietitians of Canada website to see what was needed to become a registered dietitian vs. a nutritionist.  One thing I learned in the past few weeks was that there is a huge difference between the two.  The term Dietitian is protected by law so that only qualified practitioners who have met education qualifications can use that title.  A Dietitian is health professional who has a Bachelor's degree, specializing in food and nutrition, as well as a period of practical training in a hospital or community setting.  The term nutritionist however, is not protected by law in all provinces, so people with varying amounts of training and education can call themselves a nutritionist.  Pretty scary and something to keep in mind if anyone out there is looking for help :O

The first course I looked at last week was an online course through the same place where I had signed up for a Personal Trainer certification last year (more on that later).  This new course would earn you the title of Nutrition & Wellness Specialist.  The course is all of 22 hours long, a weekend course from Friday evening through Sunday, followed by an exam.  Not really sure how much knowledge I can gain in just 2 ½ days of schooling … likely not more than I already know now.  And if I’m not mistaken their nutritional advice is based on Canada’s Food Guide, something I’m already very familiar with and anyone can get online for free.

Nix that idea – I’ll save myself the $300.

The Dieticians of Canada website had 3 links to schools in Ontario that offered Undergraduate Programs in Dietetic Education, one which is unfortunately now defunct.  The other 2 only offered 4-year, full-time, day school programs; there was no part-time or distance education available.

Bummer :(

Being single, going back to school full-time for 4 years is not an option right now … somebody’s gotta pay those bills.  It’s a shame too, one of the programs was Ryerson’s School of Nutrition, and it looks awesome !!!  I’m having one of those “if I could do it all over again” moments.

Last week I had made a few phone calls, one to Ryerson and one to the Dietitians of Canada, and a couple more to some local fitness centers.  Today I made a total of 10 phone calls, mostly to other fitness centers in and around the GTA.  Some offered services of Nutrition counseling and most offered personal training – and many were hiring.  My mission was to speak to someone in charge of hiring to ask what type of certification they require when hiring for either of these positions; after all, if I’m going to take a course I may as well take the right one.  Of those 14 calls, I spoke to 2 live people, and the remaining 12 I left voice mails for after being directed to the appropriate person.  Up till now, not one phone call has been returned.  Now you know the reason for the title of my blog today.  Do people EVER return phone calls these days ??  What an exercise in frustration :(

One of the fitness centers I called last week was not too far away, so I decided last Friday to go by for a personal visit.  Of course when I got there I was told they don’t see walk-ins and that I should call or simply send in my resume.  Well I can be pretty persistent, and I did manage to get in to talk to the right person :)  And I’m really glad I did !!  

As I mentioned, last year I had signed up for a course to become a Certified Personal Trainer.  I did this while still working at my last job, so I always knew this was an area of interest I wanted to pursue.  However while I started the course feverishly and studied each evening for the first few weeks, eventually my texts found a place on my book shelf as my enthusiasm waned.  Perhaps because I wasn’t accountable to anyone at the time ;-)

Well as it turns out, when I visited this very large corporate fitness chain last week, they informed me that course I had signed up for is okay, but it’s not the gold standard for personal training in their eyes.  While they would hire someone with that certification, once hired you would have to get further certified at one of a few other training centers out there.  And then of the 2 live people that I spoke to today, I was given the exact same information - interesting …

My plan of attack was going to be to dust off those books from last year and continue on with that course, but now I’m rethinking my plan.  Plus these other training centers offered much more detailed and comprehensive nutrition courses as well, and again these few places I did manage to talk to stated that those degrees would be the ones they required for hiring.

Good to know :)

Tomorrow I’m going to make some more phone calls (maybe even some more in person visits) to verify that this information is universally accepted among other companies, and also check into the courses that these places have to offer.  I hope to be signed up for one or two course by the end of the week :)

I’m also going to come up with a detailed plan of attack … after all, I always like to have my ducks in a row ;)

Can I get a drum roll please ...

Okay, here we go … the big reveal.  I hold in my hand the answer sought after by millions of people worldwide - the magic formula for losing weight and keeping it off for good.  Hmmm, here I am considering a career change … perhaps I should market this “magic pill”.  They say that the diet industry alone is a multi-billion dollar one, why can’t I have a piece of the pie ???  Okay, are you ready for it?  Here it is:

I follow a healthy diet, and I exercise regularly.

TA-DA !!!!!  That’s it folks, pretty boring eh ??

I want to say I’m sure most people know this, but it never ceases to amaze me how so many don’t.  I am still constantly confronted by people that follow fad diets - low carb is the newest craze, but give it time … this too shall pass.  As I said before, I’ve tried various diets over the years: I've taken supplements, shakes and pills, I’ve done fasts, cleanses ... the works.  The best “diet” that I did over the years admittedly was Weight Watchers, and the reason I liked it was because it was realistic.  No foods were banned, and it strongly supports my life motto for food today – everything in moderation.  The one thing I didn’t like about it and why I personally felt it didn’t show me lasting success was because it was very low calorie.  I was always hungry, and you remember how much I love food and eating right ??  Hunger sucks :(  It was not sustainable for life.

But I’m never hungry anymore :)  There is nothing that I don’t allow myself to eat or drink, and I always eat foods that I love.

Now don’t get me wrong, although this advice sounds ridiculously simple, it’s not easy.  I say that I’m surprised not everyone knows this, but perhaps I take for granted my knowledge and experience around diet and fitness.  I am by no means an expert (yet), I can only speak from experience.  Everyone wants the magic pill, the fast and easy route to success.  Unfortunately neither of these exists, trust me, I’ve tried.  They do if you want temporary success, but ultimately you won’t see lasting results.

And while I say diet and exercise are an obsession of mine, I don’t truly obsess about my actual diet and exercise.  I work hard at it, damn hard actually, but I don’t obsess.  I obsess about gaining knowledge, reading, experimenting, organizing, and researching constantly about these topics.

Each and every weekend I sit and plan my diet and my workouts for the following week.  I pour over my large pile of cookbooks and browse the internet for healthy recipe ideas and write out my grocery list.  I open up the Excel spreadsheet I created with my extensive library of exercises I’ve researched and gathered over the years, and write out my workouts for the upcoming week in my little exercise book. I carry my book with me on every trip to the gym – I get comments (snickers) about this constantly from fellow gym members and even gym employees.  I count calories almost every single day and record them online, and I often weigh and measure my food.  I weigh myself every day and then some.

Ya, sounds pretty obsessive to me !!

However what I don’t obsess about is following these workouts and meal plans 100% of the time.  Today for example, I had planned to go to the gym but felt really sluggish and tired, so I took the day off.  Tomorrow I’m heading out of town to attend the Niagara Wine Festival – sampling various wines from local vineyards all day long followed by dinner, likely at a pub and definitely not low calorie, and of course more wine !!  Sometimes these skipped workouts and eating & drinking fests happen once a week, sometimes more, but overall I’d say my diet is “clean” 80% of the time, and my exercise patterns are even better.  I rarely miss workouts for more than 2 days in a row, except when I go on vacation ;-)  And these off days are typically not planned – many diet books will tell you to plan a cheat day or cheat meal.  I don’t like this advice because (a) I don’t think of it as cheating, and (b) you never know if or when it’s gonna happen.

I can live with that.  I still get to indulge now and again, so I never feel deprived and there are never any foods that I crave or miss.  Carbs are my best friend !!!  And even though some days I have to drag my ass to the gym, I always feel great when I leave … lean, mean and stress free ;-)

So all this being said … I do consider trying to stay fit and healthy a passion of mine, one that I tinkered with most of my life but seem to have finally found my peace with – I found a way to make it work for me for life, and you’ve all heard that advice right?  This is a lifestyle and not a quick fix or temporary solution – yes it’s hard work, but the rewards are totally worth it :)

At the same time, I get that pissed off feeling that was talked about in 'A Lazy Man’s Guide to Success'.  When someone tells me they are popping diet pills or cutting out all carbs or something along those lines, I get PISSED OFF !!  I really and truly want to help these people.  I know what they are going through as I’ve experienced the same struggles, and when people ask me my advice, about diet or exercise, I’m always more than happy to oblige.  It makes me feel good to share and help any way I can.

So this, my friends, is the path I have chosen to pursue in my dream of a new career.  I haven’t quite narrowed it down yet … as all the books on success I’ve read suggest, I’m just gonna follow my dream.  I want to help others in their quest for good health, and help them to find a way that works for them for life.  I could be a nutritionist or a dietitian, a personal trainer, owner/operator of a gym or weight loss clinic; who knows ??  

Move over Richard Simmons ... Tina's coming to town :D

Sex, drugs and dieting … Part Deux

So I suppose you’re wondering what the heck my last blog has to do with me changing my career.  There is a point to all this drivel and I will get to it soon, I promise.

When I last left you I had just gotten married, and this was about the time when the serious yo-yo pattern of dieting and exercise started to take complete control of my life.  Our first few years of marriage I was little Suzy homemaker … playing the traditional role of a housewife, even though I had a full time job outside of the home.  One of my household duties was cooking an extravagant home cooked dinner each and every night.  We did eat out at least once a week, but for the most part our meals were homemade, and since I loved to cook and we both liked to eat, we ate good !! 

Needless to say, after a few years of eating this way, we both start to notice a little extra junk in the trunk.  It’s funny how you don’t see it coming; you just seem to wake up one day and look in the mirror and wonder ‘how the hell did I get this way’ ??  Well we both came to this realization, and we decided to do something about it, together.  We started a diet, joined (yet another) gym and started working out.  We lost the weight and got into shape and started to feel good about ourselves again.  And as soon as we reached our goals, we stopped going to the gym and fell back into our old eating habits.  Back came the weight, and the whole cycle started all over again.  Sometimes we joined efforts in our quest for good health, sometimes I went it alone, and those times were tough !!  If you are in a relationship it’s much easier if your partner is joining you in the battle of the bulge, otherwise it’s much tougher when your eating and exercise habits are not aligned.

I would have to say in all honesty that this up and down pattern continued for the duration of our marriage, which lasted 14 years.  I had spurts of regular gym attendance, and like a large percentage of people in the world that join gyms, I attended furiously for the first few months (or weeks) and then abruptly stopped going.  I’ve tried various diets along the way too.  I tried the Zone Diet, counted calories, hired nutritionists, and I’ve been a member of Weight Watchers several times in my life with successful results each time, however I hesitate to call it successful if you put all the weight back on again, which I did. 

When my husband and I first separated I was in pretty decent shape and had been back into a regular schedule at the gym.  But just like every other time in my life, once I reached a place where I was happy and feeling good about my body and my health, I fell right back to my old bad habits.  Back came all the weight for the umpteenth time in my life.  UGH :(

This now brings us to a date approximately 2 years ago from today.  Actually I can tell you the exact date (I said it was an obsession right ??).  It was October 17, 2008.  That was the date I started on yet another journey to lose those extra pounds and tone up the flab that had invaded my body.  I was tired of not liking what I saw in the mirror, of going through summers sweating it out in pants because I was too ashamed to wear shorts and reveal my dimply thighs, of covering myself up in baggy and over-sized shirts and sweaters in my efforts to hide the muffin top that precariously peeked out over my ill-fitting polyester pants.

However there is one not-so-subtle difference between all my past efforts and this pilgrimage that I started on that fall day of 2008 … this time I think I finally got it !!!!!  It’s been almost 2 years since then, and I’m proud to say the weight has not crept back on :)  It took me about 25 weeks to lose close to 27 pounds, so just about a pound a week.  Slow yes, but as they say, losing it slowly is the best way to keep it off, and I think they finally got it right this time.  I’ve maintained that weight loss for a year and a half now, and in total since my highest known weight I’ve lost a grand total of 35 pounds.  That number may not seem huge to everyone out there (no pun intended), but for someone who is all of 5’3” tall with a small bone structure, it was a lot, and in my eyes it was a ton.

Perhaps what I’m most proud of about this latest and LAST effort though, is that I did it all by myself.  I didn’t try any fad diets or join any weight loss programs; no cleanses or pills or supplements.  I unlocked the key and found the big secret to weight loss that so many people in the world are on a magical quest for … are you ready for it ??

Let’s save the big reveal for my next blog entry shall we ??  And I’ll also finally get to the point of all this in relation to my search for a new career, although I think it’s pretty obvious by now ;-)

Hello puberty … let the obsession begin !!

As promised, perhaps to myself more than anyone else, I wanted to go back in time and explore my lifelong obsession with diet and exercise.  When I do look back … I see some scary shit.  I don’t have a great memory when it comes to my adolescence, perhaps in part due to excessive recreational drug use for most of my formative years, but I did my best to try and reach back into the old memory banks to see what I could find.

Even though as a teen, I could pretty much eat anything I wanted and never exercise without getting fat (god how I miss those days), I do still remember always being aware of my body.  I recall as a teen hating my legs and always thinking I had big thighs.  My sisters and I referred to them as prosciutto thighs, and thanks to our half Italian background, we were all blessed with them.  We grew up with a swimming pool and even then I remember feeling self conscious in a bathing suit in front of others, thinking I looked fat.  Looking back now, I was a typical skinny little kid, but my warped teenage girl mind thought otherwise.

When I started to become sexually active, I was always afraid to have boys see me naked, fearing they would judge me and not like me anymore.  Little did I know as teenage boys they likely didn’t care, they were just happy to be having sex at all :)

You hear a lot in the media these days about how teens (especially girls) are bombarded with unrealistic images of beauty in the media and how this negatively impacts their self esteem.  I don’t refute this theory at all; I believe it to be 100% true.  However they seem to portray this as a new problem in the world today; and to that point I disagree.  Just like so many other things in life, these “things” existed back then just as they do today.  There was just as much infidelity, there was just as much drug use (scroll up and see !!), there was just as much homosexuality, and there was just as much low self esteem.  The only difference is, we didn’t talk about it as much, and we didn’t have today’s media and the internet to exploit it.  We felt we were the only ones suffering these ails, so we suffered in silence for the most part.  We also didn’t know there was anything we could do about it.

Of course this is all just my own personal opinion … and I’ve also gone way off track here.  All part of the obsession I guess ;-)

So we've come to the conclusion that the obsession first started when I was a teenager.  One of my first jobs was actually at a gym; I was about 15 or 16 and was surrounded by bodybuilders and fitness nuts.  This was a small, local gym so most of the members were pretty serious gym rats, and they were ridiculously fit.  I worked out there off and on, and then got my first of many gym memberships a few years later.  Even WAY back then, I did weights, cardio, and I attended aerobics classes.  At home I did the 20 minute workout (remember that show boys and girls !!) and I was always doing my best to keep slim, lose weight … whatever.  The one area I didn’t think about though was diet.  I thought I could exercise my way to a hot body.  Boy was I wrong.

I continued this pattern until my mid-20’s.  I went to the gym for brief spurts, and I ate to my heart’s content - and boy could I eat !!  I’ve always been a good eater, and once again I’m blaming those good ‘ol Italian genes.  Enormous bowls of pastas smothered in rich sauces and blanketed with parmesan cheese … and that was just to start.  There was almost always a first course (pasta, risotto, polenta), and then a second course of meat and salad.  My mom fried everything most of the time, unless we BBQ’d, and the more fatty the meat the better.  And don’t forget the bread, butter and countless other side dishes and condiments laden with fat and calories.  I’m salivating just thinking about it.

At about 23 years of age, I started dating a guy who later turned out to be my husband.  I know what you’re thinking … I was young and in love and trying to impress him, so I starting eating salads and drinking water whenever we went out.  Nope.  Our first dinner date I ordered a plate just as large as his, and I licked it clean.  Okay not literally, but you get the picture.  We ate and drank our way through courtship, and I always got a good laugh at waiters who would bet me I couldn’t finish all that food I ordered – sometimes even more than my husband-to-be.  Of course I always won :)

Somehow though, I never really managed to pack on a lot of pounds during that time.  Perhaps it was the stress of planning a wedding, or the fact that we were always out doing things and being active, but 4 years later I was pretty damn skinny at our wedding. 

But that was the end of that.   

What’s that phrase for students who pack on the pounds when they start college or university … the freshman 15 ?!?!  Well someone needs to come up with a similar phrase for newly married couples.  You do whatever it takes to look fabulous for the big day, and then you settle in to the doldrums of married life and start to explode. Our big fat bliss continued throughout 14 years of marriage ... oh the joys of matrimony !!

To be continued …

Bless me Father, for I have sinned

I have a small confession to make … I applied for a Controller job last week :O 

Okay that’s a lie, I applied for TWO Controller jobs last week.  One was completely random; a friend passed along a job she saw online, so my chances are slim to none, at best.  The other however I heard about through a friend, and it would be working for a former boss and old friend, and it seems like a really cool opportunity :)

Last week I attended a 5 part webinar series on Entrepreneurship through that career transition services company, and they stated that a large proportion – close to 90% - of new business owners have a full-time job elsewhere.  This helps to supplement their income while they are growing the business.  This makes a lot of sense to me; while I’d love to just dive in head first into a business of my own, I don’t really have all the resources (read: money) needed.  And being a single income earner, I do need a regular cash flow to help pay the bills.  A girl’s gotta eat !!

So needless to say, I am not giving up my dream of a new career or being my own boss, but I’m keeping my options open.

As promised I went over my sad little list of passions in life, and tried to think about each one and whether I’d rather just leave it as a passion/hobby, or try to pursue a career or business idea out of it somehow.  I know this is contrary to what I read in “A Lazy Man's Guide to Success”.  He suggests to simply follow your dreams and not worry about how you might make money or a career from it just yet.  Well I’m sorry, but I really don’t work that way.  I’m a very organized, detail oriented person, and I like to have a plan.  Plus at my age I don’t think I have this luxury – I don’t want to waste years following a dream that might get me nowhere.

I do agree completely with his other advice though, to follow your bliss or get pissed.  If I'm going to negotiate a 180˚ turn with my future, I want to either do something I LOVE or do something that will make me feel I’m making a difference in the world … or both :)

My number one passion if you recall (or if you’ve ever met me) is sports.  I think we already decided I need to think on a smaller scale when it comes to my future in sports.

General Manager of the Detroit Red Wings = NO

Owner/operator of a sporting goods store or gym = MAYBE ?!?!

Next on my list was my love of animals.  I do love animals, and when I was in high school I had a summer job at a boarding kennel.  To date, this stands out as one of the most favourite jobs I’ve held, and I’ve held many !!  People dropped off their dogs and cats while they jetted off on vacation or business trips, and our job was to care for the animals in their absence.  We fed them, groomed them, cleaned their cages, and tried to make their time there happy and stress free.  I always enjoyed telling people how much I loved my job, and when they asked what I did, I told them I shoveled shit for a living ;)  However even though I loved that job dearly, today I don’t know that I want to work with animals for a living.  I have a friend who at this moment is looking into opening a doggy day care and asked me if I was interested in getting involved.  I can’t say that I was, and I can’t honestly say why.  It just doesn’t feel right.

Further down on my list, I mentioned my love of food and cooking.  While being a cook for a living seems like a pretty cool career choice, there are a lot of reasons why I’m nixing that idea.  For starters, I don’t think I have what it takes.  I love watching those cooking related reality shows on television, like Hell’s Kitchen or MasterChef.  But when I watch the way they create dishes and handle food and present their masterpieces … I’m in complete awe.  Certainly with some training I think I could become a damn good cook since, like the rest of my siblings, I do have some natural ability (thanks Mom !!) But I don’t know that I could ever do what these people do.  Another reason I don’t think I could have a career in the food industry; cook, food critic, waitress, etc … is because I’m pretty sure I would eat and drink most of my profit :)

Further down the list I mentioned writing … I’m gonna back track on my dis of that book on success I made a moment ago.  This is one thing I think I will pursue without knowing if or when it could ever make me money.  I’m enjoying writing this blog and will continue to do so, and hey, you never know.

My love for talking however is something I’m pretty certain I could never pursue.  People who know me well often find this hard to believe, but when it comes to speaking publically, I’m freakishly shy.  I had to do a presentation in front of a very large group of people at a conference I attended in the spring, and while I was told I did a very good job and got some great feedback, it was pure torture for me.  In a small group or one on one, you can’t shut me up, and I’m quite often the big mouth in the room.  But stand me up in front of a crowd and ask me to do a speech or presentation … HORROR !!!!!

That leaves 3 things on my list, and all of them are very closely related.  Working out at the gym, running and riding my bike.  These are definitely big passions of mine of late, and along with these is my obsession with diet and nutrition - so this could actually incorporate my love of food and cooking.  I don’t think a day goes by that I don’t read an article, book, magazine or news blog related to fitness, health or nutrition.  Since I left my last job many people have asked if I was going to pursue something in the fitness industry … did they see something I didn’t ??  And while I find true passion in these areas, there are also many things I see daily that piss me off royally !!  Hmmm, blissed AND pissed, this could get interesting.

I think when I said these are passions of mine lately is yet another lie; I believe I’ve been obsessed with diet and fitness most of my adult life.  Let’s explore this further shall we … until next time :)

On the road to Success – I hope I make it out of the driveway !!

As I ponder my dreams on the advice of Mr. O’Hanlon, I’m reminded of that Seinfeld episode where George Costanza losses his job.  They sit in Jerry’s apartment contemplating a career change for George, and they talk about what he likes to do, thinking he should follow his dreams and desires … sound familiar ??

George comments how he likes sports, maybe he could be a sports commentator or the General Manager of a baseball team !!  He also likes movies, so maybe he could do something along those lines; a film critic perhaps ??  As he lists all his hobbies, likes and interests, Jerry shoots down all of his ideas, stating that those jobs typically go to people with experience or expertise in those fields.  I think the point is, and no disrespect to Mr. O’Hanlon, but that just because you like something or have a passion for it, doesn’t mean you can or should do it for a living.

Perhaps my biggest passion in life, like George, is sports.  But can I actually make a living out of it ??  As awesome as it would be to golf for a living, sadly I think I need to at least break 100 before they would even consider me for the LPGA tour.  And although I KNOW hockey is the greatest sport in the world (GO WINGS GO !!), professional hockey should be played by men and NOT women (sorry ladies, but that’s the truth).  But perhaps I’m thinking too large … as my cousin Joe remarked, maybe opening a sporting goods store or something along those lines ?!?!  I need to start to think outside the box.  That’s not a very easy task for an accountant; my life has typically been black and white.  There are no shades or grey in my world; it either is or it isn’t, it’s right or it’s wrong, your debits equal your credits :)

Okay … time for the list.  Passions that I have in life, my dreams and desires.  YIKES !!

• Number 1 is sports of course … in particular hockey and golf, though I enjoy most other sports as well; some to play and some to watch. 
• I love animals … was a vegetarian for about 6 years until my doc ordered me to eat meat again for my own health :(  But I’ve had pets in my house my entire life – dogs, cats, birds, rabbits, and often a combination of them at one time or another. 
• Working out at the gym – although in a former blog entry I wished I could stay thin without ever working out again, I do love how I feel after a great workout, and I love the results it brings me :)
• Running !!  I always hated to run in years past, but took it up again about a year and a half ago and now I love it.  I put on my iPod and tune out the world.  It’s an amazing stress reliever and a great workout.
• Riding my bike … for all the same reasons I love to run, only on my bike I can go off road and for a lot longer.
• I love food, and I love to cook.  I love to experiment with both eating new kinds of foods from many different cultures and also trying new recipes.  I like to drink too, but pretty sure you can’t make a living out of that ;-) 
• Since I started writing this blog, I’ve discovered I love to write !!
• I love to talk, and I do it a lot ;-)  I remember as a child my parents actually yelling at me at the dinner table to SHUT UP !!  I guess that’s why I’m enjoying writing this blog … it’s like me talking as much as I want, and it doesn’t even matter if you’re listening.

Hmmm, I think that’s it.  Doesn’t sound like much of a list does it ??  But those are the things in my life right now that bring me happiness.  Like anything else in life, people change, our interests included, and I’ve gained a few and dropped a few over the years.  There are other things of course; hanging out with my friends and family, partying, reading, going to movies, and really just going out and having fun no matter what you’re doing. But the first list includes my true passions, and the two lists typically go hand in hand.

So now that the tough part of my task is done, I need to break down each of these bullets, think honestly about my path, and basically … get real !!      
 

Blissed or pissed - I'm following my dreams

As I mentioned in my last post, I had read a couple of books on success since my dismissal.  The first book I read was "The Secret", by Rhonda Byrne.  This book was actually "borrowed" from my former employer from their company library, but I ain't giving it back (insert evil laugh here).  I was actually part way through reading it when I got fired, and it was sitting on my desk when I was escorted to my office to gather my belongings.  Along with the basic necessities (I went back a few days later to clean out my office), I grabbed the book and asked our HR person if I could take it with me to finish.  She said yes, likely knowing they would never see it again, and in all likelihood, she doesn't give a rat's ass.

For anyone who's ever read the book, you may find it odd that I call it a book on success.  But that's exactly how I see it.  I had actually read it a few years earlier and tossed it aside, calling it a piece of crap.  Can I really cure disease just by wishing it?  If I think about money hard enough will cheques magically appear in my mailbox instead of bills?  Can I cure my need for reading glasses overnight just by thinking I don't need them??  I think not.  However when I read it this time, I really enjoyed the book.  I think like most things in life, what you get out of it is based on how you interpret it.  And this time I had a completely different interpretation of it's message. 

The basic premise of "The Secret" is the law of attraction, and that like attracts like - and by like, they mean similar.  So if you think positively, good things will happen, and if you think negatively, bad things will happen.  In general I think this concept to be true.  Have you ever done something silly like stubbed your toe really badly getting out of bed in the morning?  You curse and swear, and then from that moment on your entire day goes downhill.  Traffic sucks going to work, you spill coffee all over your desk, nothing goes right with the work you're doing, and the bad things just keep on happening.  You even say to yourself, or to others, "I am having such a bad day".  Is it really that all these bad things just happen to occur all in the same day?  Or was it because you let that awful toe stubbing incident affect your attitude, and then everything that happened, you perceived as bad.  I truly believe it's the latter.  If you didn't curse and swear and let the toe stubbing incident bother you, perhaps the traffic wouldn't have seemed so bad, and you wouldn't have felt flustered and spilled that coffee, etc etc ... you get my meaning.

So the book then tells us that in order to be happy and succeed in life, you just need to think positively.  Again I think this is all a matter of interpretation; money won't magically appear in my bank account and prospective employers won't start calling me offering me jobs just because I lie in bed at night wishing for it to happen (and trust me, I do this !!).  But what it means is that with a positive and healthy attitude, I feel better in general and get up and take action, rather than wallowing in my sorrows doing nothing.

Admittedly sometimes it's REALLY hard to stay positive all the time, but I do my best and think I do a pretty good job.  Many of my friends in high school called me smiley, and sometimes I get caught walking along smiling for no reason at all - it's kind of embarrassing really ;-)  But I didn't get these deep laugh lines on my face for nothing !!  In general I've always been a pretty positive and happy person.  Even when I went through my divorce and my life was turned upside down, when I eventually told people at work, they were shocked and said they had no idea - I never showed my stress.  But there were times in life when I did go through some rough patches and I started to lose sight of happy-go-lucky Tina.  I started to become negative and that made me miserable, and at one point I viewed myself from the outside looking in, and I didn't like what I saw.  I vowed to never let myself be that person again - I hated that miserable bitch !!  Sometimes it takes some effort, yes, but I still always have a smile and a positive attitude most of the time. I'm a pretty happy person - or maybe I'm just crazy ?!?!

The second book I read since D-Day was called "A Lazy Man's Guide to Success", by Bill O'Hanlon.  I bought it for a whopping $2.99 through iBooks on my new iPad (my I-got-fired-gift to myself - thank you former employer !!).  Anyway, I figured for 3 bucks at the very least it would keep me entertained for a couple of hours.  Turns out, it was a pretty good read.  The title of the book is a bit of a misnomer, perhaps to get attention and garner sales, but hey, it worked !!  The author is actually quite successful and worked very hard to achieve his success, but his point was that he's lazy when he doesn't enjoy what he's doing and procrastinates whenever possible (don't we all ??), however when he's doing a task he truly enjoys he's a damn hard worker.

His advice to career success is to do figure out what your dreams are, and follow them; sounds simple doesn't it ??  In order to find a dream worth pursuing - this isn't as easy as it sounds - you should do one of two things:

1 - follow your bliss
2 - get pissed

Unfortunately #2 is not in reference to my earlier post about one day attending AA.  He means you should either find out what makes you truly happy, something that excites you and drives a passion in you when you think about doing it, or find something that pisses you off; something that bothers you so much in life that you feel the need to go out there and do something about it.  Blissed or pissed he calls it.

Whichever you choose, you should follow these dreams.  Don't worry about how you might make money off it right now, but follow it just the same.  Oh oh ... I think it's time for me to make another list.  Don't worry though, I learned my lesson the first time :)