Putting pen to paper ... so to speak

Someone asked me the other day why I was writing this blog, what was it's purpose, what would I get out of it.  While at first I thought it was just for fun, I realize now that I'm hoping it will make me accountable.  Being a sports nut I'm a pretty competitive person; I've often recited to others a favourite saying of mine ... "losing is for losers".  I hate to lose, and I hate to fail, especially in front of people !!  It's easy to brush aside a task or goal as failed or unfinished when no one else knows you had it to begin with; but to fail in front of the world is another story.  Okay, so maybe "the world" isn't reading my blog, but you know what I mean.  I think that's why places like Weight Watchers and Alcoholics Anonymous are so successful (I've been to one, not the other ... yet).  Getting up in front of a group of your peers and having them witness your successes or failures in itself can drive success, at least for some - so I'm hoping that's what this blog will do for me.

In the now 41 days of my new-found freedom, I can honestly say I haven't accomplished a whole heck of a lot.  The first two weeks I got caught up on some household chores, went to the gym a lot, golfed a few times, and overall relaxed quite a bit :)  Week 3 I went on vacation to a friend's cottage.  Can you call it vacation when you're not working and go away ??  I looked up the definition of vacation online and got the following:

- a period of suspension of work, study, or other activity, usually used for rest, recreation, or travel; recess or holiday

Hmmmm, perhaps not ... so let's just say I went to a friend's cottage.  I swam, golfed, lounged, drank, and relaxed some more.  So far I was really enjoying this forced hiatus !! 

When I got back from the cottage however, I started to feel guilty and decided to get started on answering my "what to do" question.  I dusted off my resume and watched a couple of (useless) webinars on how to update it, plus a few others.  I read a couple of books on success, and tried to come up with a plan of attack.

I figure I basically have 3 options for what I want to do with my life:

1) Get a replacement job - another job in Finance doing work similar to my previous job
2) Get a job in a different field - hence the name of my blog
3) Start a business of my own


These options are actually listed in reverse order to my actual preferences.  Ideally I would love to have my own business.  Who doesn't want to be their own boss, work on their own terms and determine their own fate ??  It's risky, but could also be very rewarding if it worked out.  Second to that I would love to change my career, because as I stated in an earlier post I felt bored and unfulfilled doing the monotony of accounting and finance.  However despite what my former boss thinks, I'm good at it, so perhaps I should stick with what I know and take the safe route to career success ???

I still had many unanswered questions, so I decided to help me with my queries I should develop a wish list; put pen to paper and come up with a list of things that I wanted in life ... perhaps that would shed some light and help direct me to my future.  So here it is, my wish list in life:

• I wish I was taller
• I wish I had bigger boobs
• I wish I could eat and drink anything I wanted, never step foot in a gym again, yet still stay slim and trim
• I wish that despite countless hours at the gym I didn't have giggly arms, cellulite on the thighs, and a gunt (if you don't know what it means, look it up)
• I wish I could have more great sex without the complications of a relationship

Oh wait a minute ... perhaps this should be a "career" wish list, things that I want in relation to my work life and career.  Sorry about that folks !!  Here is my career  wish list ...

• I wish I had a job that I LOVE !!
• I wish I had job security
• I wish I could make a shitload of money
• I wish I had a job that offered lots of freedom and flexibilty
• I wish I had a job where I didn't have to sit at a desk all day, and, to borrow a phrase from my ex-husband, develop "office ass"
• I wish I had a job where I could help people and feel the rewards that come from helping others

So there you have it.  I think in reviewing this list it reaffirms that I need to start in reverse order of my 3 options above ... however sometimes reality takes the place of desire.  Time to do some research and narrow down my options.

If you want the job done right, do it yourself !!

So, now it was time to ponder that elusive question - what to do, what to do ...

My former employer set me up with an ”outplacement consulting and career transition services” company.  Pretty fancy sounding words for a bunch of unemployed hopefuls wouldn’t you say ??  When I read the brochure I was very excited about my initial meeting.  There were promises of my own personal career coach to help me define my goals, build a plan to achieve those goals and execute it successfully.  They offered services of career assessment, professional support and consulting, training sessions and professional development.  The list goes on and on … I was pumped !!  These people were going to help me find my direction in life and provide insight to all my unanswered questions; I could hardly wait :)

When I entered the self serve reception area of their offices, the place was like a ghost town (I swear at one point I saw a tumbleweed rolling down the hallway).  I picked up the phone in the abandoned office and left a voice mail for my consultant, then waited 10 minutes alone wondering if anyone actually worked there.  She finally arrived and took me down the hall to her office.  Our meeting consisted of me filling out a questionnaire to provide my personal details, followed by her setting me up with access to their client web-centre.  She gave me a tour of their office and still not one other person emerged from the dark cavern of offices; I was there one full hour and never saw another person other than my consultant. She then handed me a package filled with gobs of paperwork; contact lists for their offices, print screens from their web-centre, a listing of their webinars and most importantly, a sheet of “quick tips for work search”.

-         be organized

-         listen to your interviewer carefully

-         focus on the positive

-         look at growth industries

-         distinguish yourself

No shit Einstein.

Overall I’d say I was unimpressed with the services they had to offer.  Although admittedly I have used their website now and again and am attending many of their webinars, I’d say the program is highly overrated.  In a nutshell they are saving me some surfing time; providing me with links and small tidbits of information that I could eventually find for free if I dug deep enough.  The one thing they DON’T do is help you find a job; they just help you do the prep work.  And by help I mean they guide you on how to do the work yourself.  We are, after all, in a self serve society aren’t we?

But I will definitely take advantage of the service while I can - never look a gift horse in the mouth right ??

So now that I’m basically on my own, I have to try and sift through all these crazy thoughts that are collecting in this little head of mine.  Okay … anyone who’s ever met me knows that I have an exceptionally large noggin, but I was referring to content rather than size ;-)

Day 2 and beyond ... the aftermath

I got out of bed the next morning (I can't really say I woke up, since I didn't sleep), feeling surprisingly ... GREAT !! I don't even know how to explain it, but I just had this overwhelming feeling of happiness. I made a pot of coffee, sat down at my desk and starting reading the numerous emails and Facebook messages from various friends, family and now former co-workers. I can honestly say I was completely overwhelmed by the support I received, especially from all the people I had worked with over the years. There were expressions of shock, anger, confusion; all many of the same emotions I was feeling myself. Throughout that first week, along with those messages, I had long phone conversations and received voice mails that I will cherish forever, many from some pretty senior people at the company.

The overall message was that the shit had hit the fan at my former workplace. People from all levels had demanded answers, questioning the company's values, morals, ethics and direction.

Knowing that gave me the warm and fuzzies :)

At the same time I knew that eventually the uproar would subside and life would go back to normal there without me ... after all, as hard as it is for us to admit, we are ALL replaceable. It was time for me to move forward with my life, my career. Damn :(

But let's back up to my opening sentence for a minute. Over the course of the first few weeks after my "dismissal" I came to realize why I felt happy on Day 2. In some small way, I was glad I got fired (although I will never admit that to my former boss !!). I went through a roller coaster of emotions since then; still do actually. I wake up feeling happy one day, angry the next, sad, confused, revengeful ... oops, TMI ;) But in reality I was done there. I no longer enjoyed going in to the office every day. Yes, there was a period where I did ... I loved my job and wasn't afraid to admit it. However like a bad marriage, the love had died. I was bored and unchallenged, and truth be told it was likely reflected in my work. It was time to move on. I had contemplated it lately, but I was afraid ... you know how you get in that comfort zone at work, or in life?? I was there big time !!

I also came to another realization; the tears that I shed and the emotions I felt were not for the job itself, but for the humility of being fired, for the loss of normalcy and routine (although I hate normalcy and routine); but mostly it was for the loss of many good friends. I wrote a farewell note that was passed on to the company by a great friend and colleague, expressing my sorrow at losing my family, and I meant every word. After 11+ years I had made some great bonds, made many friends, and in some small way that place was my second home. I would miss THAT dearly. The job I could care less about ;)

So I wiped away the tears and sucked up my pride ... now I had a very big decision to make. It was the same question I had asked myself when I walked in my front door soon after being fired ... what the hell do I do now ???

Losing my job - or don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out

I lost my job last month ... 35 days ago to be exact.  After 11+ years at my company and 2 promotions along the way, I was hauled into my boss' office on a Monday morning where our CEO was waiting to deliver the news.  His speech was short and ... well, not so sweet really.  They called it "restructuring", saying that they were changing the role and that I didn't have the skill set for the new role.  Ouch.  I held back my tears (for now, I am a girl after all) and heard later that they thought I took it really well.  Nice to know I was able to put on a good front.

After about 5-10 minutes of useless chatter with the two of them our HR person came in and presented me with my package.  Holding a senior position with the company I had seen many of them over the years, but as she went over the details I'm sure my eyes glazed over.  I didn't hear a word she said and had to call her the following day to go over some details.  I was then escorted to my office where I grabbed my purse, keys, cell phone and lunch bag and then I was escorted to the door. 

What an awesome experience !!!!!

I drove home at about 10:00 am on a Monday morning, walked in my front door and wondered, what the hell do I do now ??  Most times being home on a weekday when everyone else you know is working is an exhilarating experience ... this time, not so much.

I went up to my room, threw myself down on my bed like a little kid and bawled.  I sent BBM's to several of my friends with sad faces and the words "I just got fired", looking for sympathy and a shoulder to cry on.  I called my sister and could barely get the words out over my tears (sorry Carla).  The rest of the day and night was a bustle of phone calls, BBM's, text messages, MSN conversations and Facebook messages.  Thank goodness for the world of instant messaging & social networking websites to help me get through this traumatic event.

That was Day 1 of my new reality, and it was a loooooooong day.  Naturally I didn't sleep a wink, and I think in the 8 hour span where the rest of the world enjoyed their slumber I experienced every emotion known to man.

Last night I decided to start a blog about my experience, just for fun, since I'm sure there are many, MANY others out there today with the same plight that can relate to exactly what I'm going through, sadly.  I have since decided that ideally I would like to change careers, if I am able.  I should mention that I was the Controller at my last job, and have worked in Finance and Accounting for most of my adult life.  Through this blog I will share my pursuit for a new career and my experiences along the way.  Before I start however I will catch you up to date on what has happened since Day 1 ... stayed tuned !!