Growing up Gluttonous

I find it somewhat ironic that as I sit here studying my first course, perusing "Nutrition: The Complete Guide", that I'm chowing down on Doritos, Cheetos, M&M's, Peanut Butter Cups and more.  Perhaps I didn't time this properly; starting a course on nutrition the week before Halloween may not have been my brightest idea. I bought my Halloween candies a good two weeks ago and I did so well the first week, but then the Doritos started to call out to me, begging me to release them from their not-so-tightly-sealed cardboard coffin. I finally gave in to their taunting and opened the box, and before long the bag of miniature chocolate bars also succumbed to my desires.

It's funny how I shop for Halloween goodies, quite contrary to the tips I've read on my countless excursions online, attempting to quench my thirst of information for all things related to health and fitness.  Instead of buying candies I don't like in order to resist temptation, I only buy the stuff that I love and crave.  Only name brand potato chips and cheese puffs and tortilla chips for this gal ... and it's the larger 28g bags too, not those skimpy little two bite wannabes. And since Halloween is one of my favourite holidays, I give each little visitor to my door a bag of chips AND a candy bar ... needless to say I'm very well liked by the neighbourhood kids ;)

I think the reason Halloween is my favourite holiday is because it conjures up such wonderful memories from my childhood. I remember barely being able to contain the excitement of being able to dress up and go door-to-door getting free candy from my neighbours ... what a concept !!!  And I honestly don't remember being all that excited about dressing up in funny costumes - for me, it was all about the goods :)  And did I use grocery bags or those pathetic little plastic pumpkin carriers to load up the goodies ??  Puh-lease !!  Only an oversized pillowcase would fit the bill, and I even recall in later years coming home to empty it before heading out for more.  Can you say glutton ???

Perhaps it was because we never really had junk food in the house growing up. Although as mentioned previously, we ate very well as kids and I suspect our abundant feedings contributed to my lifelong issues with weight, we only indulged in home cooking and we were rarely allowed treats or junk food.  We never ate fast food all that much either. Once a week, after church on Sunday, my dad would pick up a couple of buckets of KFC for lunch, and occasionally we'd order pizza to nosh on while we all huddled around the basement television watching Hockey Night in Canada. But that was it; McDonald's or Chinese food or anything take-out was unheard of in our household.

I remember when my big brother was old enough to drive and would take a trip to McD's on occasion, I would practically beg him to take me along as it was such an enormous treat. Oddly to this day, I never eat KFC anymore.  I can’t remember the last time I had a piece of the Colonel's chicken, although I have to admit I'm dying of curiosity about their new and largely controversial sandwich, The Double Down. If I were a betting man, I'd put a large sum on the odds I'll be trying that monstrosity in the very near future.

It's amazing how instilling a good habit with your children can still backfire though.  Perhaps it’s a good lesson to parents not to completely forbid certain treats or types of foods to their kids; they may only end up craving it and seeking it out when they are older, and it could cause adverse effects in their future.  Everything in moderation is my motto.

But back to Halloween … for some reason that motto is very hard for me to keep under control this time of year.  Normally I don’t eat that much in the way of junk food, and it doesn’t even tempt me in the least.  I can stand in line at the grocery store staring at the cleverly placed goodies near the register, luring customers to that last minute impulse buy, and never even give it a second thought.  But every year on Halloween I eat so much of the shit I literally feel sick to my stomach.  And this year it’s even worse.  I don’t usually open the boxes until Halloween night, when I allow myself a one night junk food free-for-all.  But this year the seals were opened a little prematurely, and I’ve been snacking on several goodies each night this week. 

Boredom?  Stress??  Gluttony???  Who knows.

This does serve as an important reminder though; that even though I feel I’ve finally found the solution to successful and permanent weight loss, my lifelong all-or-nothing behaviour is still lurking in the background and could rear it’s ugly head at any given moment.  I shall use this experience as a lesson to never lose my awareness of this fact, and know that this really is a permanent lifestyle change.  Damn :(

 

For now I have one last issue to tackle … leftovers.  The amount of gremlins knocking on my door can vary from year to year, anywhere from 80-140 visitors in just the one night.  And given my love for the holiday I always make sure I’m well stocked, so I bought enough for 150 kids … minus my minor thefts of course :)  In prior years I would bag up any remaining goodies the very next day and bring them in to the office where they would quickly disappear, but now that I’m not working, I could be in big trouble.  The kids on my street may be holding a parade in my honour as I’ll likely knock on their doors the following day dispensing any excess treats.  Either that or I’ll make sure I finish everything that night and “start fresh” November 1^st ;-)

Happy Halloween !!! :)

Some people feel the rain, others just get wet

I am really starting to believe this whole law of attraction theory.  Remember when I cited an example of how you can have a really bad day, where something bad happens first thing in the morning and then the rest of your day goes quickly from bad to worse?  Well today I’m having the complete opposite kind of day; everything right is happening, and I’m happier than a pig in … well you know ;-)

The law of attraction tells us that like attracts like, so if you think positively, good things will happen, and if you think negatively, bad things will happen.  We actually discussed this at Phat Camp over the weekend during one of Jen’s talks.  Jen is also a firm believer of this theory and attributes her own personal happiness to it.  Hmmm, yet another successful person to affirm their belief in this … interesting.  A discussion broke out and it seems many women in the class have gone through the same transformation; when they were at a very low point in their lives they simply made a conscious decision to change their attitude and think more positively, and voila, their lives turned around and bad became good.

One girl referenced a book that she likened to “The Secret” – it’s called “Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting”, by Lynn Grabhorn.  This book however, is not only about the law of attraction, but it’s about the power of positive feelings.  It’s a step by step guide on how to focus inward, cut down on negative feelings and start believing in what you can accomplish in life by feeling positive.  I know it sounds a little hokey, but what have I got to lose ??  And to answer the obvious question, ya, I went out and bought it yesterday.  I only managed to get through one chapter as I lay in bed last night, but I can already tell I’m going to like it.

Since the weekend, in some small way I’ve proven to myself that the concept does actually have some merit.  I started the weekend feeling really down again; I hadn’t accomplished much in my new career pursuit, and once again sleepless nights filled with stress and worry started to overcome me.  What’s really scary though, is that I’d wake up each morning feeling depressed and despondent about my life and my future, yet I’d do NOTHING about it.  Instead of taking steps to turn things around and taking action, I’d wallow in my grief and delve further and further into feelings of hopelessness and desperation. 

Who would have thought Phat Camp could impact my life in ways other than health and fitness?  I was surrounded by so many women who were looking to turn their lives around in one way or another, and more importantly others who HAVE transformed their lives.  It seems the common denominator among all of them was that they achieved their success by changing their thinking and their attitude.

As the weekend progressed I started to feel more and more positive, and as that happened it was like a snowball effect.  I talked to several people; Tosca and Jen and also the hiring manager at the gym, and through them I got the information I needed to finally make a decision on which courses I was going to take – enough researching and thinking and talking about it already !!

Yesterday I signed up for both a personal trainer course and a nutrition course.  I decided to go through the International Sports Sciences Association (ISSA), and have signed up for both the Certified Fitness Trainer and the Specialist in Fitness Nutrition courses.  When I called to sign up they said it would take 4-5 business days to get my course materials, but to count on 5 days since they are in California and I’m in Canada.  Well thank you Federal Express … I ordered the goods at about 5 pm last night and they were delivered to my door by 11 am today :)  They say if you approach the course like a typical undergraduate college course, you'll finish in about 10 weeks (per course) but you can take up to 8 months to complete it.

Tonight I’m going to review the material and read the guides on how to complete the course, and tomorrow I start to study !!  None of this "I’ll start Monday" bullshit – that’s always just an excuse to delay the inevitable, and after years of yo-yo dieting I’ve used that one far too many times.

On top of the stresses of deciding which course to take and my own personal procrastination in doing so, I’ve also been apprehensive about the decision to sell my house.  It’s not the decision to sell that’s been keeping me up at night, that decision I’m completely at peace with, but rather it was the question of where I was going to live once I do sell.  I actually have a tenant in the basement, and that tenant is my uncle.  He moved here from BC about a year or so ago and we set up a basement apartment for him, and now that I’m selling, he needs a place to live too.  I didn’t want to leave him stranded, but it was making things very difficult as I researched new places to live.  For starters we don’t agree on where we want to live, he prefers the country and I want to go further into the city.  He also has a very large dog, so finding a place that allows dogs and has separate living quarters was proving to be very problematic.  We discussed all this a few days ago, and today he came home and told me he’s found a new place to live !!  It’s in the country which is his preference, very affordable for him, and works quite well for me too.  Now the world is my oyster !!!!!  I can move literally anywhere I want as I have nothing tying me down.  Woot woot :)

As for selling my house, I took more action this weekend and hired a contractor to paint in preparation to sell.  He’ll be here the 2^nd week of November and the sign goes on the lawn as soon as he’s done. 

So once again I confirmed my own personal belief about the law of attraction … it’s not a miracle cure where you sit on your couch and dream about money or success or whatever it is you desire, and suddenly it’s knocking at your door.  But with a simple shift in attitude, your positive thoughts make you perceive things differently, and those positive thoughts manifest into you taking positive action to help you achieve those goals.  Stupidly simple.

Life’s getting good, and just in time.  I’m tired of just getting wet; it’s time for me to feel the rain :)

“Given the choice between the experience of pain and nothing, I would choose pain”

I’m not sure what idiot came up with that quote, but he obviously never attended Jen Hendershott’s Phat Camp.  Ok, it was actually William Faulkner and he did win a Nobel Prize, so perhaps he’s not a total idiot, but still …

My friend Terri said it best just before camp this morning … everything hurts from my ankles to my neck.  Just when you think you’re doing awesome and in primo condition, an experience like this comes along and knocks you down a peg or two.  I have not felt pain like this in a very long time.  I remember those times when I’d stop and start my bouts at the gym in the days of old, my first few times back I would suffer similarly, but I figured this time since I’ve been working out regularly that I would be okay.  Not so.

We started off Friday evening with a brief meet and greet with Jenn, her staff and all the campers – there were 70 women there in total !!  We then got right to work with a boot camp style class that literally kicked our asses.  I normally don’t participate in or enjoy classes at the gym; I always stick to my own routine for several reasons, but this class was fantastic.  We performed push ups and lunges and squats and sprints … just to name a few.  That was followed by a talk from the guest speaker Tosca Reno, who I’ve seen at a few events before, but I am always truly inspired by her story.  Tosca was also there to promote her new book “Your Best Body Now”, which I bought of course ;-)  I also got a chance to speak to Tosca one-on-one about my new career, but more on that later.

Friday night I wasn’t sore, but I can tell you I slept like a baby because I was so exhausted from the boot camp class.  We arrived Saturday morning and got straight to work again; first we worked on chest, then shoulders.  Each workout was about 45 minutes to an hour long, and all very quick paced – much more of a circuit style where you incorporate cardio and leg work in the form of lunges, Burpees, mountain climbers and my new most hated exercise of all time, bear crawls.  You are constantly in motion throughout these workouts, so even though they are weight training classes, your heart rate is elevated throughout and you’re working up a sweat big time !!

After lunch Jenn gave a seminar on supplements and we had the opportunity to ask questions as well.  I gotta say I love the honesty of this woman.  One of her many business ventures is selling supplements, but my question to her was to ask how she felt about not supplementing.  I watch what I eat all the time, I count my calories and monitor my intake of protein, carbs, fat and fibre to ensure my levels are adequate, and I exercise regularly and have an abundance of energy to do so.   Her answer was unabashedly honest – don’t supplement !!  She confirmed a theory I’ve always held and reinforced my decision not to supplement – they are there to assist you in areas where you are lacking.  Among other things, they can help give you energy, help you recover faster, help with fat loss, or help you to raise levels of nutrients that might be lacking (such as protein shakes and powders).  However if you don’t need assistance with any of this, and can get results all on your own and naturally, that’s the way to go.  Yippie !!!

The afternoon was yet another strenuous workout to work both our biceps and triceps.  They gym we were at was actually awesome, and in addition to the typical weight room and cardio areas, there was a huge area in the back for MMA training – Mixed Martial Arts.  There’s a boxing ring, a huge area with thick rubber mats where we ran on several occasions sans shoes, and another area that had things like monkey bars and those MASSIVE truck tires that you have to lift and flip across the room … and yes we did all that this weekend too.  Just for fun they asked us to give the monkey bars a try, and I managed to get all the way across a good 20 rungs !!  I have never been able to do this before because I didn’t have the upper body strength, so I was quite proud of myself for that accomplishment :)  I think there was another Q&A after that, but to be honest I was so exhausted it’s all just a big blur right now.

I woke up this morning almost completely unable to get out of bed, and could not believe I had another day of this torture ahead of me.  Just pulling my tank top over my head was agonizing … how on earth was I to show up and do more of those intense and insane workouts ??  I was somewhat comforted when I arrived to find that almost everyone there felt the same pain as I did, but Jenn had no pity and worked our asses as hard as ever.  We started with a cardio workout utilizing various pieces of equipment in the gym – nothing more I’d rather be doing at 9 am on a Sunday I can tell you that !!  A simple jumping jack sent waves of excruciating pain through my pectoral muscles.  UGH.  That was followed by a back workout, and then a break to eat and shop at camp store where I got some awesome Phat Camp souvenir duds - at least there was some pleasure in being able to go shopping.  And just when you thought you could not feel any more pain, we ended the weekend with a killer leg workout, even though our legs were already twitching and trembling from the previous day’s festivities.  After nearly an hour of straight legs, they ended with a pop squat contest, the winner of which would get free admission to next year’s camp.  I didn’t win, but I did place 3^rd of 70 women, so I’m pretty proud of that too … not bad for an old broad ;-)  11 straight minutes of pop squats followed by full on push ups for as long as you could go … and if that doesn’t sound like a long time I dare you to give it a try.

Even though I’m making this out to be a weekend of pure torture, pain and suffering (and don’t get me wrong, it was), I have to admit I had a blast :)  This was even more fun than I remember the first time I attended 5 years ago, and I’m pretty sure this will now become an annual event for me.  I learned lots of new and inventive exercise ideas, gained tons of information on the industry, and met all kinds of amazing women.  There were women from all over Canada and the U.S., of all shapes and sizes, and ages that ranged from 11 to 54.  We laughed, we cried, we sweated and we bonded.  I’m the first to admit I am not usually the type to participate in these touchy feely, Kumbaya sort of affairs, but it was truly an awesome weekend. 

And best of all, as planned I grilled several people about my new careers endeavors, and got enough information to take it to the next step.  Gonna save that for my next entry though as I’m starting to exhaust my fingers now, and that’s about the only body part I have left that doesn’t ache.

Gonna be a PHAT weekend !!!

Yes, I do realize the word Phat is no longer cool … allow me to explain.

This weekend I’m attending something called Phat Camp !!  It’s a 3 day fitness camp, hosted by fitness professional Jen Hendershott.  Jen is a professional fitness competitor, and has won the Ms. Fitness Olympia and Ms. Fitness International contests twice each, as well as placed in the top 3 several times throughout her career.

A fitness competitor is slightly different from a bodybuilding competitor.  In fitness routines you are judged on your physique like a bodybuilder would be, however they emphasize muscle tone over muscle size.  In addition, competitors must perform a routine round, which requires a physically-active stage performance; most competitors attempt aerobic, dance, and/or gymnastic routines.

So needless to say, this girl is in damn fine shape.  I actually attended this camp once about 4 years ago, and I had an amazing time.  If I’m not mistaken, Jen was one of the originals to start this sort of camp, but of course now there are many copycats out there that followed suit.  I chose Jen’s camp because I already knew of her work; being the sponge that I am for anything diet and fitness related, I’ve seen Jen many times over the years as she’s graced the cover of Oxygen magazine and several other women’s fitness books and mags.

The great thing about it is that Jen attends and runs the whole camp herself; many of the others out there are sponsored by a fitness professional but you’re lucky to get a glimpse of them in attendance.  The camp is for women only, and runs Friday evening and all day Saturday and Sunday.  What do you do all this time ??  Well … you train, and you train hard :)  I can’t be sure what’s in store this weekend as it has been a while, but I’ll tell you what we did back in 2006.

Each full day was split into 2 sections, so in total there were 5 - Friday evening, Saturday morning and afternoon, and Sunday morning and afternoon.  Each section had 3 components to it.  First was a one hour, intense and super tough weight training workout, concentrating solely on one body part.  That was followed by a one hour cardio session; this varied between boot camp style classes, aerobics classes, or using various cardio machines in the gym.  The balance of the section was a workshop; either a seminar on fitness or nutrition, or Jen giving a talk, and they even had a special guest speaker.  Saturday night we let loose and had a pizza party ... after all that hard worked we deserved it ;-)

The weekend is not for the faint of heart … it’s pretty intense, but at the same time it’s so much fun.  The first time I attended I was terrified; I wasn’t in nearly as good shape as I am now, and I was fearful that all the other girls there would be fitness enthusiasts, all buff and toned, and I figured I’d be the fattest girl there :(  I hesitated signing up, so I wrote an email and got a personal response from Jen herself.  She assured me I had nothing to worry about, and she did not lie.  There were women there of all shapes and sizes, ranging from beginners to people seeking to become competitors themselves.  I felt completely at ease from the moment I arrived and I had a blast, and I also made a lifelong friend from Australia (hey Louise !!).  She was working in Japan at the time as a phys ed teacher at an English school but originates from Australia.  She travelled all that way just to attend Phat Camp and we later spent some time together as I showed her some of the sights of Toronto and Niagara Falls, and we are still good friends today :)  Many of the women that weekend made special bonds with others as well.

This time around I’m attending with my sister and a friend, and like I was the first time I attended, they are both nervous but excited about what lies ahead.

In addition to Jen, their special guest this weekend is Tosca Reno.  She has several books out on diet, nutrition and fitness, and like me she learned how to lose weight the hard way – she was once over 200 lbs. and is now 50 years old, fit and fabulous.  Tosca is married to Robert Kennedy, who is the editor of several fitness and diet magazines and also several books in the same fields.  Robert was there last time as well.  You know what this means don’t you ??  I will have TONS of resources to grill this weekend about my new career choices … I’m going to ask them their advice on what courses I should take and the paths I should choose.

I’m psyched :)

Not only will I be learning tons of new training techniques and nutritional advice for my own personal use, I’ll be able to pick the brains of several experts in the business to help my in my pursuit.

The last time I went to camp, not only were Robert and Tosca in attendance, but Oxygen magazine used the Toronto camp to profile in a future article about the various camps out there.  Their cameramen were there taking pictures of the campers in action, and I got my picture in Oxygen magazine !!!  But you recall how I mentioned I look at the gym right ??  My first time getting my picture in a national magazine – and a magazine that I subscribed to at the time – and I looked terrible :-O  No makeup, hair tied back, and I was a lot heavier than I am today.  Oh well, at least I have a small claim to fame - and I still have a copy of that issue saved here at home.

As soon as I’m able to move my fingers to type, I’ll update on my Phat Camp experience … wish me luck !!

Adventures in Exercising

I learned another lesson this week, or perhaps realization is a better term. 

I haven’t been feeling well the past few days; even though I no longer have to go into an office full of people on a daily basis, I still managed to catch myself a pretty nice cold.  I attended an outdoor art festival on Saturday and started to feel a little funky walking around the blustery streets of Toronto.  The following day I felt a little worse so I skipped the gym in favour of a lazy Sunday lying around the house watching sports and self medicating … and then Monday it peaked.  I spend most of Monday and a good part of Tuesday in and out of bed.

On a side note here, I’m one of those unfortunate people whose appetite does not decline when I’m sick.  You’d think at least one advantage to having a cold or the flu would be that you could lose a few pounds as you starve your cold or fever or whatever the saying is … but not me !!  I eat the same if not more, and since I’m lying around in bed most of the time, the scale tends to go in the wrong direction - up.  The only time I can’t stomach food is when I’m hungover, and unfortunately the reduction in calories the next day are pretty much offset by the copious calorie consumption from the previous night’s festivities.  Bummer :(  Needless to say, I missed 4 days in a row of gym time. 

Actually I had 2 realizations this week, and the first one was that I actually missed the gym ?!?! Go figure … me, the girl who just stated last week that I’d trade lying on the couch downing nachos and beers for the gym any day of the week.  As each day passed and I realized I had no energy to get myself there, I felt this nagging sense of guilt and deprivation.  I wanted desperately to go to the gym but knew there was no point as I’d likely do more damage than good.

Wednesday I woke up still not feeling 100%, but the crazy, stubborn bitch inside of me refused to miss day #5, so I forced myself to go to the gym.  My “more damage than good” theory was proven right throughout my entire workout.  It always amazes me how quickly you can lose your fitness. With just a four day break I felt so weak it was like I was a beginner all over again, but perhaps the cold had something to do with that as well.  It was one of the toughest workouts I've endured in a long time but I got through it just a little worse for wear.

My second realization was that the gym really makes a difference !!  This statement might confuse people - I'm talking about becoming a personal trainer - of course I feel the gym makes a difference ... don't I ???  What I mean is, after just a four day hiatus, I swear I could see the difference in my body.  More cellulite started to appear on my thighs, my belly started to expand even further, and everything else felt flabby and giggly and gross.  Perhaps it was just my pea sized, estrogen filled brain seeing things that weren’t actually there, but I’m pretty sure what I saw was real. 

So speaking of the gym, attending this week while feeling ill and not in the greatest of moods, I feel it necessary to point out my biggest pet peeves about the going to a public gym, as my tolerance level was at an all time low:

Stupid people # 1 – There is an indoor running track at my gym, it has a wonderful rubberized track so running is easier on your body and you can go much further than if you hit the pavement outdoors.  It’s a smaller track of course, 145m in length around the perimeter of the gym.  There’s a big sign as soon as you enter the gym indicating the track direction for that day, as they change it daily.  Below the sign is a big arrow indicating that day’s track direction.  As well there are 3 lanes on the track, with large markers painted directly on the track itself reserving one double wide lane for walking, one for running and one for passing.  Not a day goes by that someone is running in the walking lane, walking in the running lane, or running in the wrong direction.  Even better is the idiot who’s doing both, running in the walking lane in the wrong direction.  I love these people.

Stupid people #2 – I walked in the gym one day this summer on a sweltering hot day, and there was a guy running on the treadmill wearing a parka.  A few weeks later I saw a lady working out in a sauna suit.  Where did she even find that thing ??  Did she dig one out of her closet or get it at a garage sale along with a Suzanne Somers thigh master?  I’m pretty sure they don’t even sell them anymore … and do you know why they don’t sell them anymore?  Because they DON’T WORK !!!  You will not lose weight simply because you’re sweating more because you’re wearing extra clothing.  You will just sweat more – period.  Morons.

Ignorant people at the gym – These are the people that talk endlessly on their cell phones while working out at a snails pace, not even breaking a sweat.  Is that phone call really that important?  Really ??  Just go home and free up the machine for someone who will use it properly.

Guys who hit on me # 1 – I realize that a lot of people go to the gym to pick up or to get hit on, however take a good, long look at me.  I’m wearing baggy sweatpants and a t-shirt, my hair is in a ponytail, I have zero makeup on, and I’m working extremely hard and sweating profusely.  Do I look like I’m one of those girls ???  Try your luck at the girl in the skimpy outfit with full makeup, jewelry and long flowing mane.  After all, she primped herself for 20 minutes in the locker room before even entering the gym, please give her a shot.  When you hit on me and I look like that, I seriously question your judgment.

Guys who hit on me # 2 – While some of the guys who approach me are at least smart enough to either start small talk or compliment me on my efforts and/or results, the guys who try to start a conversation by either suggesting exercises, correcting my form or insulting me really need to give their head a shake.  Unless we’re in grade school and I’m wearing pigtails with pink bows on the end, that method will not get you very far.

Inflated egos at the gym, both of the male and female persuasion – Psssst, we don’t really care how much weight you can lift or how big your muscles are … go away and stop hogging the mirrors.

Despite all these aggravations, I still prefer going to the gym to working out at home, and I will continue to do so - day after day after day after day … maybe I just need to stay away from there when I’m sick ;-)

In the absence of a vision there are nightmares

I’ve been sleeping a little better these days, but many nights when I finally lay my head down my mind starts to race and it just won’t stop.  Some nights I’ve convinced myself that I’m making the right decision and should move forward; other nights I come close to what I can only assume is a panic attack - my heart starts to race and I feel a tightening in my stomach and sleep becomes impossible.  I think I’m making a big mistake and should just go out, find a job in Finance and get on with my life.

I want to say “I’ve made many bad decisions in my life”, but that sounds so cliché.  Doesn’t everyone think that at some point or another?  We can’t always make the right decision every single time can we??  We often make bad ones, but as they say you should learn from them and move forward.  I just wonder if this is just another wrong decision that I will need to “learn from”.  God I hope not.

But regardless of these nagging feelings of fear and panic, I’m still moving forward as planned … crazy bitch !!!

On to some of the bigger steps I’ve done or need to do to start my new career:

Big step # one – I performed the dreaded B word, a budget !!  What an eye-opening and horrific task that proved to be.  To start, I needed to review what I’ve been spending my money on already, so naturally I created a spreadsheet :)  I went back one full year and went through every credit card statement and every bank statement and literally detailed each and every transaction into a list.  I categorized them as best I could and then further grouped this into the basic categories – housing, transportation, debt repayment, savings etc.  All I can say is thank goodness golf season is almost over ;-)

The way I see it, starting a new career with limited experience naturally means a reduction in pay from my Controller job after so many years of service.  This is a sacrifice I am completely willing to make.  It wouldn’t be the first time; I’ve left high paying jobs for lesser ones in order to be happy and content with the work that I did.  When I quit my job to go into real estate is a prime example; I had a great job … a growing company, all the freedom anyone could ask for, and a very decent salary at the time.  But I left because I was bored and unfulfilled, and I left for a job that essential earns you zero salary in the first few years.  When you’re taking the courses to get your license they warn you of this, but still I was willing to do what was needed to be happy. 

However things are a little different now; I’m single and I own my own home … I have a mortgage, some debt, and monthly bills like everyone else in the country.  But most importantly, I like to enjoy life.  When I separated from my husband I decided to buy him out and stay in the house we bought together, but I made myself a promise I would only stay as long as it didn’t suck the life out of me – I didn’t want to become what’s referred to as “house poor”.  If you don’t know, this is someone who spends a large proportion of their income on home ownership, leaving little else for other financial obligations or discretionary items.  But as I said I like to enjoy life, and I don’t want to go to work day after day only to come home at night and stay here alone because I can’t afford to go anywhere :(

So essentially I feel I have 2 choices going forward, and each of them comes with certain sacrifices:

1. Get another job in Finance paying the same or more than what I was earning at my previous job, thus being able to maintain my current lifestyle and stay here in my house.  However I think I’ve been pretty clear on how I feel about that - this means doing a job I really don’t want to do, so that would definitely be the sacrifice.
2. Pursue my new career path; take the required courses for nutrition and/or personal training, get a job in either of these fields (or both) at most likely a lot lesser salary, and therefore have to sacrifice in other areas of my life.

This may sound like a stupid and selfish decision, but I won’t sacrifice living my life.  I will not waste my life away sitting at home alone just so I can enjoy the benefits of home ownership.  You’ve all heard the saying a million times … life’s too short, and I am a FIRM believer in this motto.  I have no children and no spouse to burden me (no offense to all the married people with kids out there), so I have freedom that most people my age don’t, and I want … need … MUST take advantage of that.

So if I go with Option 2 (which of course we know is the plan), and I’m not willing to give up the nice car, the countless rounds of golf, the new clothes, the vacations and spa days and nights out with friends, it seems there’s only one other thing to sacrifice to make this work, which brings us to Big step # two … selling my house :O

This is the decision I’ve come to that has robbed me of my slumber for the past week or so.  I’m quite certain that I’m going to sell my house.  I’ve already met with a realtor and got an appraisal on my home, done the budget, and am currently investigating where I might live going forward.  My freedom does allow me a lot in this regard, and I’m pretty much willing to relocate anywhere, as long as the weather isn’t any worse than it is here – I need to get in at least a few months of golf every year, preferably more ;-)

I still have a bit more research to do before the sign goes up on the lawn, but I’m about 90% certain I’m going to do this.  I’m going to check a bit further about job prospects in my newly chosen fields and how much I might expect to get paid, combine that with my budget and projected monthly expenses, and I would also like to talk to a financial advisor if possible.  Truth be told, I’ve wanted out of this house for a very long time.  The house itself is okay, and I’ve done a lot of work to it, but it’s certainly not my dream home, and I really hate the neighborhood … so what on earth am I clinging to ??  Buying out my husband and staying here is a great example of a past bad decision, so I’m hoping to correct that now. 

Perhaps now that I’ve voiced my intentions and let it all out (and for the record, I can't believe I've let it all out !!), I’ll be able to get a decent night’s sleep tonight.  And if that doesn’t help, there’s always wine :)

The road to success is lined with many tempting parking spaces

I started going over my career to-do list earlier this week ... as mentioned some of the tasks are big, others not so much. And by big, I don't just mean tasks that require a lot of my time and effort ... I mean tasks that will have a very large impact on my life.

Risk vs. reward

Risk vs. reward

Risk vs. reward

OK I'm good. Let's start with some of the smaller tasks, ones that I can do from the comfort of my computer desk here at home, you know, the easy stuff.  In order to accomplish these tasks though, I'm going to have to adjust my schedule somewhat, get myself back into a routine. Since I've been off work my routine has changed quite a bit.  I've never been a morning person, so every day now is like a weekend, staying up late and sleeping in :)  I go to the gym during the day instead of after work, and it’s been wonderful. It's less crowded, I almost never have to wait for a machine, and I'm in and out much faster.  And since for the most part there's nothing but crap on television, I've been doing some of my work and research in the evenings.

However now that hockey season is upon us, things will have to change. I've also been getting into football this year so Sunday's are becoming increasingly occupied … the Ryder Cup is this weekend.  Geez !! Freaking sports keep getting in the way ;-)

I swear I should have been a boy.  I can totally see myself sitting on the couch with my hand down my pants, pounding back beers and nachos while watching the game most nights of the week. When I was married, and my husband and I went to parties or family functions, I was always in the family room with the guys doing just that rather than in the kitchen with the rest of the women. Oh of course I got up and attended to my womanly duties when I had to (sometimes it really sucks being Italian), but I did so quickly and against my will, and then rushed back to the game with the boys.

Oops, not very good talk for someone wanting to go into the fitness and nutrition industry is it ??  Forget you heard that :)

But seriously, that's kind of the ironic thing about this whole quest of mine. While fitness and nutrition are definitely passions of mine and have been part of my life for a very long time, it does not come naturally to me. I'm not one of those people that doesn't even have to think about eating well or exercising.  You know the type; they naturally wander into the gym every day like it’s a normal part of life ... they order off the menu without a second thought and it’s always something healthy and nutritious.  I'm sorry, but you people, you're just not normal to me !! 

I'm obsessed with it because I have to be; I have to work extremely hard at it most of the time, but I would give it all up in a heartbeat for the life described above. But perhaps that's why I want to get into it so badly, and what could be my niche in the industry??  I'm quite certain I'm like most of you out there – so I'm relatable to the general population. Yes I feel good when I go to the gym regularly and eat a clean, balanced diet. I like the results it brings me and overall I really do feel stronger and healthier and happier in the long run. But despite those good feelings, I still have to drag my ass to the gym on most days, and I have to talk myself out of eating the French fries and burgers and greasy, creamy fat laden ooey gooey foods almost daily.  It is now and always will be a struggle for me, but what I've come to realize is it's what I have to do to accomplish my goals and feel good about myself, so I've learned to live with it.

Okay sorry, back to the list.  I have the tendency to ramble on, in case you didn't notice ;-)

One of the easier tasks on my list is to create a functional resume; that seems to be the latest buzzword in the job search arena these days. Most of us are familiar with the traditional, chronological resume. This is the one where you list all your previous jobs, skills, education etc. I've already done one of those and even that took some doing; things sure have changed in 11 years !!  I'm happy with my new resume now, though it looks like I won't be needing it :)  A functional resume on the other hand is one that you use when doing exactly what I'm doing, changing career paths. It can also be used for people who have large gaps in their resume or newly graduated students with very little experience.  This type of resume focuses on skills and general experience rather than specific work experience. So you don't actually list your previous jobs, but rather skills you honed at those jobs that would be relevant to this new one. You know, stuff like teamwork, management and organizational skills. I can also do a combination resume, and well, I think you can figure that one out.  This task should also prove to be challenging; pretty hard to find relatable skills going from finance to fitness wouldn't you say?

Of course the other tasks on my list are to figure out the training and education paths that I need to take. I've done some additional research on that as well, but I'll update on that a bit later. Though I had hoped to be enrolled in something last week, I've deliberately delayed this task. What course I sign up for is now dependent on the results of one of my major tasks.  I also need to research what jobs are out there, how much they pay, and what skills and/or experience I need to get my foot in the door, that sort of stuff.  Again I’ve made some progress with this step, but I need to do some more, or hope that one of these days someone will actually return my phone call.

Those are some of the smaller tasks on my career to-do list … however it’s the bigger ones that have been robbing me of sleep the last few nights :-O