The Devil is in the Details

Thanks to my friend Paul who sent me this link after reading my last blog.  Good call ;)

But no more !!  I completed my self-appointed homework assignment and detailed a to-do list for myself. Actually I created two lists; one for daily tasks to push myself out of this laziness rut, and another to help me along the path of enlightenment as I persue my dreams.

My daily tasks include studying for each of my courses for 1 to 1 1/2 hours per day, so a total of 2 to 3 hours of hitting the books. Also on this list is gym time and meal preparation. This may sound selfish, but I don't want this pursuit to take over my life to the effect that my diet and workouts suffer. It took me a very long time to get to this place, and it took a lot of hard work and dedication on my part. When I've yo-yo'd with my weight in the past and been on the upper end of the weight roller coaster, I got seriously depressed and angry with myself for my failures. This time I vowed never to put the weight back on and get back to that ugly place in my life.  And I’ve seen the downward spiral more times than I’d like to admit; when you start to feel down about a certain aspect of your life, everything else seems to suffer as a consequence, so I need to keep motivated and feeling good about myself in order to accomplish all of my planned tasks.

It always seems when people are crunched for time in their lives and need to sacrifice something in order to free up precious minutes or hours, exercise and/or diet are the first to go. The number one excuse for not exercising is "I don't have the time". Okay, I made up that little statistic just now, but I'm willing to bet it's true.  

So ... my daily list includes both meal prep and exercise, in addition to studying. I'm still on that workout program I got from Phat Camp that requires nearly two hours of exercise daily, but I have just one week left and then I'm done. At that point I will cut back some, although I still plan to exercise at least an hour a day, 5-6 days a week :)  The meal prep stuff is easy and I really enjoy it. I got a couple of recipe apps for my iPad, including one called 20 Minute Meals, by famed British chef Jamie Oliver, and the recipes in it are fantastic !!  This is not "diet" chow by any means, but I truly believe a homemade meal can help control your weight over take out any day of the week, assuming of course you watch your portion sizes. Everything in moderation ... right?

Speaking of everything in moderation, you may have read a news article this week about a man who embarked on what they are dubbing "The Twinkie Diet".  A Professor of Nutrition went on a special diet to prove the theory that weight loss is not about cutting out certain types of foods, but rather it's all about calories in vs. calories out. Take in less calories than you expend and you will lose weight, plain and simple. To prove his theory however, he went to extremes. His diet consisted of Oreos, Hostess cakes, Little Debbie snacks, sugary cereals, Doritos and of course Twinkies, and he lost 27 pounds over a two month period.

The website where I record my daily calorie intake followed up this story with their own article, comparing his experiment to one conducted a few years earlier. Two college students, both studying nutrition, ate nothing but junk food for one month, however they watched their portions sizes while doing so, making sure not to go over their required caloric needs. The male and female subjects started out healthy and fit and remained so after 30 days of nothing but fast food; their experiment and subsequent film was called Portion-Size Me but nicknamed The Junk Food Diet, and was a follow up to the infamous documentary Super Size Me.

Both these experiments back up my own personal theory that you really can eat anything you want, as long as you control your portions, and still lose weight. Of course there are other things to consider, such as fat and cholesterol levels and all those other nasty side effects of high fat, high sugary diets, but these tests were done simply to prove the cause of the increasing obesity epidemic .... people are simply eating too much !!!  Not too much carbs or too much fat or too much junk, just too much of everything.

How cool would it be to be the guinea pig in those experiments ??  Hmmm, maybe it's something I could try ... just for the purpose of properly advising my clients of course ;)

But back to my lists.  The second list was more for the bigger, one time tasks. Like prepping my house to sell, researching new jobs and places to live, putting together a functional resume etc. I prioritized these tasks and gave them each deadlines.  Top priority of course is getting everything in my house ready to list. No point in researching new places to live until I have my house sold. I also delayed the resume, new job/home research and budget until after this first task was completed.

I'm happy to say that after a lot of hard work, mostly physical labour on my part, I completed all the duties for my first big task, and listed my house this weekend :)  It officially went on the MLS today and I have my first showing tomorrow. Yippie !!!  I'm very excited about this, as it's the first step in actually making my dream a reality.  I'm still scared to death; all those unanswered questions continue to linger, but at the same time I'm excited to move forward with this new phase of my life. I only hope I sell quickly. As soon as I have a confirmed offer in hand I'll start on the next items on my big to-do list; figuring out my new budget and therefore where I want to work and live.

Oh ya, and I did well in my daily to-do list also. I didn't quite reach my goal of 2-3 hours of studying daily, but I did some every day; at least an hour, sometimes two. Like the baby steps mantra claims, I felt much better having done something rather than nothing and this makes me feel more positive and driven to get results.

It seems I’ve finally gotten my new life underway.  I guess you can say, the devil made me do it.

An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory

I seriously need to come up with a plan of attack. I naively thought by "putting it out there" ... admitting in my blog that I'd lost my motivation, that perhaps it would light a fire under me and get me going - remember my whole theory on accountability ??  It didn't work. I still have not picked up either text book in quite some time now.

My mood is better though, I'm not feeling sad and depressed like the last time I blogged, but the laziness factor still lingers heavily.  And I really think that's what it is, pure and simple laziness, at least in part. My house painting was completed on Thursday, so I figured I'd give it at least a full day to dry thoroughly and then start on the clean up over the weekend.  I'll give you one guess how far I got with that. Just before the painter left I took advantage of the furniture being moved and did some major cleaning in behind where it normally sits, but left the rest as he still needed to track through with messy drop cloths and all his painter tools. I put back the furniture but left my cleaning supplies in the middle of the room as I planned to continue after he was gone, and that is where they remain today.

So I haven't cleaned or further prepped my house for sale, and I haven't studied at all in well over a week, maybe two. I did however, manage to keep up with my 2 hour training regimen with shameless enthusiasm, and now I sit here writing in my blog when I should really be doing something more productive.  WTF is wrong with me ???  I think I've lost my mojo :(

I suspect it's actually a combination of factors that are contributing to my loss of enthusiasm.

First and foremost I really do feel laziness has a lot to do with it. This is literally the first time I've been out of work since I was a teenager. I got my first job at McDonald's when I was 14. I had to lie about my age as the legal age to work then was 15, but my $10 a week allowance wasn't cutting it so I took matters into my own hands. From that moment on I have always worked.  Throughout high school and college I had part-time jobs, full-time in the summers, and immediately upon graduating from college I began to work full-time and never looked back.  Even the other times I lost my job I always jumped back into the employment market almost immediately.  Did I mention this is the third time I've been fired on the spot and escorted to the exits ??  You'd think I'd be used to it by now.

And this is going to sound odd, but I think the package I got from my last employer is what's causing my laziness.  Right now I don't need to be working, and while many friends have commented on how I should take advantage of that situation, I think there's a fine line. I guess this whole career change thing is definitely something I couldn't do otherwise, but the whole point is I really need to get that going. I won't be getting paid to sit at home forever, and we all know how quickly time flies right?  I need that fire under my ass to get me in gear again, but the cushion of a separation package seems to be fanning the flames. Anyone got a match?

Another reason for my lacklustre motivation is fear.  I still don't know where I'm going to live, where I'm going to work or how much money I'll make ... will it be enough to survive?  I know all my motivational readings tell me to ignore the fear, to be prepared to fail, perhaps many times, but eventually you'll realize your dreams.  And while I hear ya, and I truly want to believe this, sometimes that fear can be almost paralyzing.  Especially when for the most part, I'm going it alone.

The final factor is again, the overwhelming feeling of what lies ahead. I have soooooo much to do, but I just can't get organized enough to get it all going.  This is why I started off saying I need a plan of attack. I wake up each morning with no plan, and this does not sit well with me. I also think I put way to much pressure on myself.  I feel like if I don’t accomplish something major in a given day, then I’ve failed, so I’d rather not attempt it and face failure as opposed to just doing what I can.  I think I need to take the advice of Bill Murray in “What About Bob?” … baby steps.  I need to realize that I’m not Superwoman, and that every little step down the path brings me closer to my goals, and is all part of the process to help me realize success.  Sort of what the title of my blog today implies doesn't it ??  Why is it so easy in theory but so hard to put into action?

My homework assignment for tonight is to come up with yet another to-do list, detailing all the tasks I feel I need to accomplish in the coming months in order to reach my goals.  I need to prioritize them, depending of course on the urgency of the task and the timeline, and then come up with a detailed plan organizing my day so that I can whittle away at the list and finally get ‘er done.  I will put this plan into action tomorrow, since it’s Monday, and that always seems to be the magical day we start fresh with renewed vigor and enthusiasm … right ?!?!

But most importantly I need to remind myself that despite my inner braggart, I’m not perfect and will find failure along the way, but that’s okay.  The great Winston Churchill was once quoted as saying “Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm”.  Let’s hope the Brits got it right this time.

"Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there" - Will Rogers

I've lost my inspiration again :(  I swear it's these damn mood swings. If it weren't for the warnings of my former boss (not the mofo who fired me but the one before that), I'd swear it was hormonal.  It's getting tiring to be honest with you.

I haven't opened either textbook in over a week, and although I wake up each morning with studying high on my to-do list, I quickly fill my day with other mundane tasks and before you know it the day is done and the dust on my books start to thicken.  I find myself attending to tasks I normally hate; housework, yard work ... I even cleaned out my garage this weekend - anything to escape the monotony of studying.

And it's not that I don't like the material, to be honest I've been enjoying the reading and find it fascinating so far. Perhaps it's just that overwhelming feeling of knowing what lies ahead. When I relate it to dieting, which seems appropriate, I recall how it felt when I was at my fattest, and knowing what my goals were at the time. I knew I wanted to lose about 30 pounds, and that seemed like such an insurmountable task.  I can't even imagine how someone who has to lose 100 pounds or more must feel, knowing they have such a long, hard road in front of them.

However 2 years ago when I started on my weight loss journey, I found the strength and drive to persevere, so I'm hoping I can do the same now. I remember at the time wondering what it is that clicks inside a person to help you finally succeed.  How many times do we start a task or journey only to stumble and fall?  Then suddenly one day we try yet again, but for some strange reason, this time it works.  If I could figure out that great mystery in life and bottle it, I'm sure I could retire tomorrow.

I'm also feeling depressed again. It brings to mind a variation on the classic chicken and egg dilemma ... is my depression causing me to slack in my studies, or is my lack of enthusiasm causing my depression?  Either way I keep going back and forth into this funk. I wish it would just stop and I could be happy all the time.  I've been trying to read back all the inspirational messages from my books, but so far with limited success.

On a brighter note, I have been moving forward with some of my other initiatives. I'm writing this now on my iPad, locked up in my bedroom as the painter is here and I'm without my computer for a few days. He should be done tomorrow, then the house will get a major cleaning, and then I will be ready to list; my real estate agent has been waiting patiently in the wings.

I am also conducting a bit of an experiment with regards to my workouts – let’s call it research shall we? :)  I started a new exercise program last week, and to be honest, it's kicking the shit outta me. When I attended Phat Camp last month they provided us with detailed workouts and diet plans for beginner, intermediate and advanced users. Of course me and my big ego jumped right on board with the advanced program … 5 days a week of weight training, working a different body part each day for nearly an hour, plus 6 full days of one hour cardio training.  I'm in the gym for 2 solid hours, 5 days a week, plus one full hour on the 6th day. I get one day a week off for rest. Good thing I'm not working !!  But it's just a 4 week program so I thought I'd give it a shot as the timing is perfect. Spending 2 hours in the gym almost daily is not an easy task when you're working full-time, and November is the perfect month, no holidays or special events to get in the way.

I refuse however, to follow the diet that came with the program.  For starters ... BORING !!!  There are two meal plans, one you follow for the first two weeks and one for the second two weeks.  But each of those plans is the same diet each and every day for two full weeks. Kill me, kill me now. This is one area where I refuse to compromise.  If I were trying to train for something specific or some sort of competition then maybe I could painfully follow along for a brief period of time. Or perhaps that's why I don't train or compete ?!?!  But besides being boring, it's way too restrictive, and I think we all know how I feel about that.  Very little carbs, protein shakes, no alcohol (good freaking lord !!), and one cheat meal per week. But get this … their recommended cheat meals are things like chicken fajitas with brown rice and a small dessert, or a salmon wrap with veggies and a small dessert. Honey that ain't a cheat meal, that's everyday eating for me.  If you wanna see my idea of a cheat meal, read my last blog entry :D

Anyway, I'll stick to my regular eating habits and just follow the suggested training plans and see where that gets me. 

My biggest experiment however is with supplements. They gave us free samples of some of the product they sell at Phat Camp, so I ordered a couple to give them a try. I say it's an experiment because normally I don't take any supplements, ever. Been there, done that. I do firmly believe if you exercise regularly and eat a pretty clean diet with lots of variety, you don't need to supplement. However I figured if I want to become a nutritionist, what better way to advise my clients than through experience rather than just assumption. 

I didn't go overboard or anything, no crazy miracle fat burner pills or anything like that, I just bought two simple and natural products.  One is a powder you mix with water and drink just prior to your workout. It's supposed to provide energy and mental focus to get you through the tough workouts ahead, and man are they tough. The second product is also a powder that you sip during your workout, and it's supposed to help with recovery.  It claims to do a lot more too, stuff I won't bore you with that's more at the cellular level, but recovery is the one that should be obvious to me immediately.  In other words, I won't be as tired or sore after my workout.

I've taken both as recommended for one full week now, and so far the verdict is not good. I still need to drag my ass to the gym and fight my way through every minute of my now 2 hour long workout, and when I'm done my workout I'm thoroughly exhausted. I'm not sure if it's all in the attitude, my sister bought the same recovery drink and swears after her boot camp class she felt great when she usually feels completely beat up, but I can honestly say I haven't noticed a difference. And all these other claims they make that does stuff at the cellular level? Well that's the problem with those types of claims; there really is no way to prove if they deliver. If I can stick with the program for the full 4 weeks it's almost guaranteed I will see some changes in my body, but are those changes because of the supplements or because I ramped up my routine big time?

Which brings us back to that familiar dilemma. So what did come first, the chicken or the egg ???

This little piggy went to market

Does anyone remember this notorious ad campaign by the Partnership for a Drug-Free America waaaaaaay back in the 80’s ??  I found this poster online that I feel better represents my own brain. And I find it somewhat ironic that this spoof on the ad uses bacon in their version of the renowned campaign.  Mmmmmm, bacon :)

I’m going to allow you to delve into my bacon-soaked brain for a moment here, just to let you witness first hand my obsession with food, exercise and all things related, as well as to reveal the true sickness that goes hand-in-hand with said obsession.  You know what they say - admitting you have a problem is the first step in healing.

I know Halloween is over, but I feel I should warn you … be afraid, be very afraid.

This weekend I attended an out of town wedding for my nephew and his now beautiful new bride.  I spent a good part of last week getting prepared for the wedding, putting aside all my daily chores and studying (oops !!) in favour of shopping and getting all girlied-up for the big event.  Countless trips to the mall in search of the perfect dress, shoes and matching jewelery, fresh highlights in my hair, waxing, pedicure, manicure … the list goes on.  Perhaps my obsession is not limited to diet and exercise - could there be a bit of obsessive-compulsive disorder lying just beneath the surface ?!?!

I knew going into the weekend that it would be a diet free-for-all with Saturday being a travel day and an overnight stay at the resort, and Sunday coming back home to celebrate Halloween.  I made sure the week leading into it I kept my diet pretty clean (with the exception of those few raids on my Halloween goodies) and got in a good dose of exercise to boot.  I accepted and celebrated the fact that I could enjoy my weekend without worrying about my diet or getting to the gym, and that I could just have fun and not even think about counting calories or planning my workouts.

And this is where the obsession and sickness that routinely invade my cranium begins.

Knowing that I’m the type of person that typically eats every few hours, and because of that get ravenously hungry if I miss just one meal, I packed a small cooler bag to bring up to the hotel with me, not knowing the area or if I’d have the opportunity to grab snacks in between festivities.  I had a small breakfast before I left the house, then packed a PB&J sandwich and a box of granola bars to take along … that and a full one litre bottle of perfectly chilled Grey Goose vodka.  Fitness and nutrition gurus worldwide would be proud of my bag of travel goodies !!!  Okay, maybe not.

To make a long story short, that sandwich and one granola bar were all I ate for the remainder of the day. Well that and copious amounts of vodka rocks back at my hotel room in the 3 hour break between the ceremony and the reception. I don't know how much I drank, but it was obviously too much. I won't go into all the dirty details (although any readers of this blog who have partied with me in the past have likely witnessed this ugly and embarrassing side of me), but I missed out on dinner :(  The good news is, after some TLC and tough love from a couple of my sisters and my brother-in-law, I made it back to the party ready and raring to go. After a good dose of well deserved ribbing from the rest of my family and a quick chat with my daddy to reassure him that I am not in fact, an alcoholic, I finally found my second wind.  The remainder of the night I was a dancing fool, and in fine Trevellin fashion we closed the place, leaving only after the DJ announced the last song and thanked us for coming out.

Upon returning to the hotel I realized I was completely famished, and there was no way I was going to bed feeling that way. A late night McDonald's run was in order, and it didn't take much to convince my drunken teenage niece to join me.  Between me, her and her sister our tally was $24 ... how the hell do you spend $24 at McDonald's between 3 small girls ???  Easy when one of them, me of course, orders 2 combos. I don't think I have ever in my life eaten at McDonald's and ordered just one combo for myself. I usually get two, or at the very least one combo and an extra sandwich.  I quickly inhaled my food and immediately settled in for a couple hours sleep.

Sadly, my Big Mac attack and excessive alcohol consumption on Saturday is not the diet free-for-all I referred to earlier.  That, my friends, came on Sunday.

Here, in a nutshell, is my food consumption over the course of the day on Halloween Sunday:

• Breakfast buffet at the hotel - bacon, eggs, toast, home fries, pancakes and coffee 
• KFC for lunch - as promised I tried their new Double Down sandwich. If you don't know it's a sandwich of bacon, cheese and some sort of gooey mayonnaise based sauce sandwiched between two thick pieces of deep fried chicken. Yes, the chicken IS the bun.  And in my infamous all-or-nothing style, I decided to combo it with a large order of poutine. Heaven on earth, that's all I gotta say :) 
• Pre-dinner snack - Taco Bell's Chicken Crunchwrap Supreme. Hey, it was one of those KFC/Taco Bell combo joints, so I figured while I was there ... 
• Pre-dinner drink - one of the king cans of Creemore beer that someone foolishly left in my hotel room 
• Dinner at Jack Astor's - the newly married couple stayed over Sunday evening so I took them out to dinner.  Two shared appetizers and a massive plate of Pad Thai, and of course more beer. Even my nephew, who is half my age and has nearly 100 pounds on me, said he was impressed with how much food I could put away. What a proud Auntie :) 
• Dessert - I sort of lost count, but at least 5 bags of the now leftover Halloween chips, and I don't even know how many miniature chocolate bars. At this point I was simply shoveling the food in while literally feeling sick to my stomach. But that didn't stop me ... I knew Monday morning I would be back to clean eating and the gym, so I had to get it all in while I could.

While I'm happy to say I did bounce back quickly Monday morning and returned to my clean eating and exercise routine (and I gave away all my leftover goodies to the kids across the street), it scares me when I have days like this.  As mentioned before I think it proves that my obsession with diet, exercise and my weight is truly necessary. Even after 2 years of keeping the weight off, these type of weekends stand out as a stark reminder that I can easily fall back into my old bad habits at any given moment. The massive food consumption I just described used to be the norm for me ... and I wonder how I got fat !!!

I also got back to studying again this week, so perhaps reading this book on nutrition will open my eyes to the negative effects these bad foods can actually have on my body.

Doubtful.