An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory

I seriously need to come up with a plan of attack. I naively thought by "putting it out there" ... admitting in my blog that I'd lost my motivation, that perhaps it would light a fire under me and get me going - remember my whole theory on accountability ??  It didn't work. I still have not picked up either text book in quite some time now.

My mood is better though, I'm not feeling sad and depressed like the last time I blogged, but the laziness factor still lingers heavily.  And I really think that's what it is, pure and simple laziness, at least in part. My house painting was completed on Thursday, so I figured I'd give it at least a full day to dry thoroughly and then start on the clean up over the weekend.  I'll give you one guess how far I got with that. Just before the painter left I took advantage of the furniture being moved and did some major cleaning in behind where it normally sits, but left the rest as he still needed to track through with messy drop cloths and all his painter tools. I put back the furniture but left my cleaning supplies in the middle of the room as I planned to continue after he was gone, and that is where they remain today.

So I haven't cleaned or further prepped my house for sale, and I haven't studied at all in well over a week, maybe two. I did however, manage to keep up with my 2 hour training regimen with shameless enthusiasm, and now I sit here writing in my blog when I should really be doing something more productive.  WTF is wrong with me ???  I think I've lost my mojo :(

I suspect it's actually a combination of factors that are contributing to my loss of enthusiasm.

First and foremost I really do feel laziness has a lot to do with it. This is literally the first time I've been out of work since I was a teenager. I got my first job at McDonald's when I was 14. I had to lie about my age as the legal age to work then was 15, but my $10 a week allowance wasn't cutting it so I took matters into my own hands. From that moment on I have always worked.  Throughout high school and college I had part-time jobs, full-time in the summers, and immediately upon graduating from college I began to work full-time and never looked back.  Even the other times I lost my job I always jumped back into the employment market almost immediately.  Did I mention this is the third time I've been fired on the spot and escorted to the exits ??  You'd think I'd be used to it by now.

And this is going to sound odd, but I think the package I got from my last employer is what's causing my laziness.  Right now I don't need to be working, and while many friends have commented on how I should take advantage of that situation, I think there's a fine line. I guess this whole career change thing is definitely something I couldn't do otherwise, but the whole point is I really need to get that going. I won't be getting paid to sit at home forever, and we all know how quickly time flies right?  I need that fire under my ass to get me in gear again, but the cushion of a separation package seems to be fanning the flames. Anyone got a match?

Another reason for my lacklustre motivation is fear.  I still don't know where I'm going to live, where I'm going to work or how much money I'll make ... will it be enough to survive?  I know all my motivational readings tell me to ignore the fear, to be prepared to fail, perhaps many times, but eventually you'll realize your dreams.  And while I hear ya, and I truly want to believe this, sometimes that fear can be almost paralyzing.  Especially when for the most part, I'm going it alone.

The final factor is again, the overwhelming feeling of what lies ahead. I have soooooo much to do, but I just can't get organized enough to get it all going.  This is why I started off saying I need a plan of attack. I wake up each morning with no plan, and this does not sit well with me. I also think I put way to much pressure on myself.  I feel like if I don’t accomplish something major in a given day, then I’ve failed, so I’d rather not attempt it and face failure as opposed to just doing what I can.  I think I need to take the advice of Bill Murray in “What About Bob?” … baby steps.  I need to realize that I’m not Superwoman, and that every little step down the path brings me closer to my goals, and is all part of the process to help me realize success.  Sort of what the title of my blog today implies doesn't it ??  Why is it so easy in theory but so hard to put into action?

My homework assignment for tonight is to come up with yet another to-do list, detailing all the tasks I feel I need to accomplish in the coming months in order to reach my goals.  I need to prioritize them, depending of course on the urgency of the task and the timeline, and then come up with a detailed plan organizing my day so that I can whittle away at the list and finally get ‘er done.  I will put this plan into action tomorrow, since it’s Monday, and that always seems to be the magical day we start fresh with renewed vigor and enthusiasm … right ?!?!

But most importantly I need to remind myself that despite my inner braggart, I’m not perfect and will find failure along the way, but that’s okay.  The great Winston Churchill was once quoted as saying “Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm”.  Let’s hope the Brits got it right this time.