A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti - Hannibal Lecter

I’m going to do something I am always swearing to people I never, ever, EVER do.  I’m going to go on a diet.  Ugh :(

I’ve been struggling so much with my diet lately, and I’ve come to realize that my issues with food are way bigger than I realized.  Remember back, what … six months ago, when I said I was 5 or so pounds overweight and committed to losing those last few pounds?  Well that commitment was half-assed at best, and although several times in those 6 months I did come very close to my goal and started feeling really good about myself, that weight loss and those good feelings were very short lived.

Up, down, up, down, up, down.  This weight loss roller coaster is making me fucking dizzy.

I think about food CONSTANTLY.  I think about what I’m going to eat, what I should be eating, what I shouldn’t be eating, how much I’m eating, what I want to be eating.  It’s a major problem, and it’s consuming my life.  I need to get this fixed, and I need to do it now.

I get into these zones, where I’m eating so well and I quickly start to see results and feel better about myself; then one little thing will happen, and every effort I’ve made goes crashing out the window.

I have one night out with a friend, or a work event or a party or a family function, and I gorge on all the bad, forbidden foods like the earth as we know it is coming to an end.  But it doesn’t stop there; if it did, it wouldn’t really be that serious a problem.  I leave the party or whatever it is, drive home and stop at the store and load up on all kinds of crap, foods I wouldn’t ever normally eat.  I come home and shovel it all in, quite literally to the point where I’m feeling nauseous. 

And then there’s the booze.  Since I’m eating all the shite foods, I may as well pour in all the calories I can while I’m “cheating”.  So I down several beers, or a bottle of wine, or a couple or several glasses of vodka, or some combination of the above.  Booze = calories, so in my mind it’s a cheat too.

For some reason I have a hard time enjoying a night out or a nice meal with a friend without the warped logic in my head saying “get it all in now while you can”.  I wake up the next morning feeling fat and gross and full of regret.  It’s gotten to the point that sometimes I will refuse invitations simply because I know it will throw all of my clean eating efforts into a major turmoil :(

Can someone please tell me what the fuck is wrong with me ?????

The only solution I can think of right now is to get strict, and follow a plan.  Ten weeks ago I signed up for a running program on the Nike+ Running website.  It’s a 12 week, 10K training plan, and to date I have only missed 2 runs in 10 weeks, and there have been 4 runs scheduled each week.  My dumb-ass Type A personality works well when I have a detailed plan set out in front of me.  The program tells me how much to run each day, and I do it !!  It’s really quite that simple.  So I’m thinking, hoping, praying ?!?!  that if I set out a detailed diet plan that tells me what and how much to eat each day, perhaps this will finally help me reach my goal and stay there !!

So the big question now is what plan will I follow ??  I’m going to do a bit of research in the next day or two and get back to you on that one …

To quote many a calorie counter from days past, the diet starts Monday :)